It's funny how life works. Just when you think you're living the life, something or someone has to rain on your parade. At this point, I could call it out every time something good happens to me. It sucks how people have to the think in such a way that is vulgar and spiteful and completely out of jealousy. It like they want to see you fail so they and sit there and say "I told ya!" Damn those self-fulfilling prophecies!
I have spent the last 3 months in utter bliss. No drama, no familiarity, no 9 to 5. It felt so vigorating and freeing. It was great for the mind-clearers and adventure takers. I met many people with all kinds of different stories to tell. I was fascinated by the different ways of living that people endure in different areas. I was fascinated by everything. I loved to just be away, without notice really or knowing when I'd return. All I knew was that I was living in that moment and no one was going to stop me.
It'd be cooler to say I was somewhere overseas on an abandoned, tropical island, but it was just about a thousand miles away in the southern part of the land of the fortunate, CALIFORNIA. It was everything I expected it to be, because I wouldn't allow it to be anything other than that. It was the end of summer in Seattle and I wasn't ready for it to end, just yet. I went from fabulous mansion over-looking the water in San Clemente to Hermosa beach back to Newport beach where I got raped by waves, then finally to San Diego where the sun never stops shining. As fun as it was to just be taken care of in lavish houses and live by the beach that you only see in your dreams, I knew reality was somewhere around the corner. I knew my life couldn't be this easy.
Time went by as my skin got darker, and I began to devise some sort of a plan for my return. Or at least have something in mind for my future. I want to do something with my life, but I tend to get stuck in a routine where I end up just living to exist with nothing to say of myself at the end of the day. All my friends in Seattle have it different than me. They have been taken care of by their parents, like any good parent should do, but unfortunately situations don't reside the same way with me. I don't have a mother, and my father is too stingy and away to ever see that I would LOVE to have some sort of help. So what do I do? WHATEVER I WANT. =)
That mentality leads me to my next topic of discussion: my friendships with those who have it MADE. Yes, I envy the friends of mine who can rake in their parents money to pay for school, buy a car, get their own condo, go on vacations... but I'm not sitting here judging them as a human being. Why would I? They are just more fortunate than I am. I wish I had it that easy, but instead I have to work to earn the money to pay for whatever it is I choose. So after a good 5 years of working and working, I decided to give myself a break. I never thought my friends would turn on me when I returned. I soon came to that realization.
It has now been two weeks since I've been home, and I can't say that I'm all that excited to be here. I wish I had the money to go out and do it all over again, except in different places. I just love the fact that I'm alive on this earth too much to let it pass me by. My goal is to have a job where the next day is unexpected and traveling is a necessity. Because to be completely honest, most people don't like the jobs they are in and if they do, they are just too deprived in their structured, robotic lives to even understand that they are missing out. I, on the other hand, have definitely seen the other side.
When I first came home, my friends started off as playing it easy, like nothing was wrong. I was excited to be back and tell my friends about all my ventures, but it seemed like no one really seemed to care. They were so involved in their own inner circle drama that they forgot that they hadn't seen me in over two months! I was confused and slightly disappoint I must say, but I played the same game back, acting like I was interested in whatever gossip they had to say about someone they knew. I started drinking my beers at a faster pace, hoping that would help the time go by quicker. I honestly felt like I was back in fucking highschool! All the drama, all the gittyness about nothing, and all the while I'm getting drunk trying to forget it all.
It's weird when you leave somewhere and travel around and see the most exquisite things and meet the most successful people with intriguing stories to tell, and then you go back home. You pretend like it's all the same, but in reality it's totally not. I've changed. I'm afraid to tell my friends but it's true. I can already forsee it in the future. Either I'm going to get the eff out of here or I'm going to have to confront my friends at some point.
I found out later on by a more reliable friend of mine, that yes people had some words to say about me. Things like "what is she doing with her life?" and "why is she down in so cal in the first place?" or "when did she say she was even coming home??" ... "poor thing... shes a lost soul." ... "she needs to get her act together..." BLAH BLAH. I felt disgusted after I heard all of this. I started confronting my friends and no one really fessed up to it. They had no idea what I was talking about. In fact, they commended me on my ability to be so free-spirited and fortunate to be able to go on such a great vacation. Yeah right, you were just saying a load of crap a couple days ago.
I realized that alot of people that grow up in the Seattle area are surfaced. They avoid confrontation so that they can laugh and gossip about it later to their supposed friends. It's really childish actually. I wish it wasn't so two-faced, but that's what I've come to realize in this area. Oh well, right?
Well, lesson learned. Thanks assholes!
Great to be back!
=)