I want to say so much but the blank unwritten blog is intimidating me...
Here we go.
First off, wow. My life has been turned upside-down. Then again, when does it not? I have three jobs right now. I like it, however, I'm run down and I don't like that feeling. I want to be 100% in everything I do but tonight I couldn't hide my dragging face towards the end of the third day at my new job. I hope they don't think I'm already over working there. I've come to realize the more I stay in the restaurant industry, the less tolerant I have become. Being fake is not in my nature, and that is all they want to see sometimes. I can be professional, but not fake. As much as I can't wait for the festivities tomorrow, I'm ready for the weekend to be over so I can start focusing on my future plans more.
Speaking of the weekend,GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEDRIVE is on! I've been helping Mike plan this event for weeks now and finally the time has come. Fashion show, art displays, DJ's from all over (which whom are snoring soundly at the house as I'm writing), and a wholllle lotta booty shaking is what this bird is about to get herself into. Oh yeah, and I'm going to finally break the seal. I have not drank since Halloween and boy that has been a struggle. But I'm proud of myself for saying NO to drink offers on numerous occasions these past few weeks. I'm stronger than I thought.
Other than all that jazz, how am I feeling lately? My friends are good, my life is busy and slightly hard to keep up with, my goals are brewing, my passions are finally bursting out of its' shells, but how is Mikaela on the deeper front? I'm feeling ultimately on a content level and stable ground. However, no matter what, I'm still fighting that urge to want someone and embrace them wholeheartedly without ever letting go. Lonely, in other words. I'm afraid if and when I do find that in my life, will that be enough? I've been so there for my friends lately and they have right back. I've even had some good cuddling nights. I speak as the strong force for my friends that have fallen weak with settling in their relationships. Shit, I've basically gone pro with how many times I've had to mind slap people to wake them up and realize what they DO have in their life and how they CHOOSE what they want and how they feel. So why do I still have this burning feeling of emptiness in my chest? I don't think I'll ever be able to let that feeling I had with this person go... I keep preaching to others and reaffirming myself that "YOU are the ultimate manifestation of what you define life to be, whether it is raising a family, pumping that adrenaline and not being afraid, or making a passion a successful career and changing the world. This life is yours, so what really matters to you at the end of the day?" So stop worrying about what it is they want from you and start focusing on your needs for once. For me, my goals and meaning in life change so often that I can't ever pin it down for what I want to follow through with. But now, I've decided it's time to finally start biting the bullet and start making dreams come true little by little, day by day.
On that note of bouncy thoughts, dreams are where my mind floats off to next. Thanks for reading, whoever you are.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Taking it in stride, then leaps.
Each day I wake up, I usually get struck with unexpected news. Yesterday, happened to be more strikes than normal. It was Veteran's day.
It started off with a blood warm sunrise that peaked off Mount Rainier. My friend captured this. It made me feel happy to be right here, living in the heart of Seattle.
Cuddling close to my roommate, Mike, and Allison, my day started. I come to find out first that my other roommate, Bonnie, has lost her grandmother. It effected her pretty deep considering she grew up in her grandmother's house her entire childhood. That woman was the rock of the family and she couldn't imagine life without her, until now.
After feeling her pain, I come to find out that my favorite bartender at my new job, got canned after five years of working there. Just like that. No warning, with all those years of showing his loyalty to the company. Not to mention, he informed me that they were thinking of firing me as well, for no reason besides business being slow and me not "getting it" enough. After only a month of working there, I've come to realize they are the most egotistical, inconsiderate individuals I've ever worked for.
On top of that, my two good friends have split. I have spent my last year with Dylan and consider him one of my nearest and best friends in my life. Allison came into the picture about 6 months ago and we've all connected since then. It's just sad and unfortunate to see two beautiful souls separate their love for one another. I mean, no one wants to see that however on my behalf, this only adds on to my single lag.
On other terms, I'm taking everything in and seeing it all in a positive way. I've become more calm and reassured that I'm going to get through this. In time, I will have a life I've been destined for. I know I have it in me. I finally know what I need to do that will provide the utmost happiness in my life. Now, I just need to put it all together. Being 24, could most likely be my best year yet, especially in transformation.
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” -Charles Palahniuk
It started off with a blood warm sunrise that peaked off Mount Rainier. My friend captured this. It made me feel happy to be right here, living in the heart of Seattle.
Cuddling close to my roommate, Mike, and Allison, my day started. I come to find out first that my other roommate, Bonnie, has lost her grandmother. It effected her pretty deep considering she grew up in her grandmother's house her entire childhood. That woman was the rock of the family and she couldn't imagine life without her, until now.
After feeling her pain, I come to find out that my favorite bartender at my new job, got canned after five years of working there. Just like that. No warning, with all those years of showing his loyalty to the company. Not to mention, he informed me that they were thinking of firing me as well, for no reason besides business being slow and me not "getting it" enough. After only a month of working there, I've come to realize they are the most egotistical, inconsiderate individuals I've ever worked for.
On top of that, my two good friends have split. I have spent my last year with Dylan and consider him one of my nearest and best friends in my life. Allison came into the picture about 6 months ago and we've all connected since then. It's just sad and unfortunate to see two beautiful souls separate their love for one another. I mean, no one wants to see that however on my behalf, this only adds on to my single lag.
On other terms, I'm taking everything in and seeing it all in a positive way. I've become more calm and reassured that I'm going to get through this. In time, I will have a life I've been destined for. I know I have it in me. I finally know what I need to do that will provide the utmost happiness in my life. Now, I just need to put it all together. Being 24, could most likely be my best year yet, especially in transformation.
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” -Charles Palahniuk
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