Friday, February 11, 2011

Marching forward; no looking back.

As the New Year has arrived in full force. I have found myself quite minimal in my prospective writing abilities that I just didn't care. I have also propelled a few activities and eliminated some other thoughts and activities completely. Right now, I'm content with where I'm at mentally. Finally and again.

For a while, I was stuck on someone that was stuck on someone else. It was a painful chain of attached feelings and with the strength of my experiences dealing with these same feelings before, I was finally able to let it go and fade away. I kept holding on for something that it simply could not be... I wouldn't say never, but not now. Definitely. I only wish him the best.

That happened about a month ago.

Since then, I've focused alot more on my ladies that stand by my side no matter what once again and I've been going out and working out in between working more, well until recently. I wouldn't say it's been unhealthy lately, but I've taken my going out and actually functioning the next day to a whole different level. Maybe it's to numb the pain. But I think more importantly, I'm having fun. I am having so much fucking fun I can't help but smile.

I found a path for myself above all else and that is the most important of them all. I am getting closer to a career of my own and a life I will love. I'm ready. So unbelievably ready.

As I come to these new realizations in my life, I let go of ones that just did NOT work for me. I have sacrificed a chunk of my happiness working at my latest job. I got fired yes. But I asked for it. Came into work feeling sick, threw up right in front of the place and got sent home. Hours later, I receive a TEXT saying I've been let go. Really. In a way I was embarrassed, but for the most part I'm relieved. I now have more opportunities of being greater that lie ahead. I now can say, within the seven lousy months that I worked there, I am now a part of the 16 people that have been let go like I have or simply walked out.

This is a funny time in my life right now. I've been going out and creating such miraculous moments that will not go unforgotten. I've met such talented people and I've been laughing uncontrollably in between with those that make me the happiest. This last weekend was NOTHING short of that. This weekend was like a parade after that big, long rainstorm that defines my last job. That rollercoaster of emotions and feeling like I was not good enough had VANISHED after this weekend. We went to see a marching band, but I can guarantee it is not what one would think. 30 instrumentalists, face paint, and a whole lot of gypsy, free spirits make the March Fourth Marching Band. And after all the chanting, stomping and dancing was done, they all decided to take it all to the house and jam out some more. Up until the wee hours in the morning, we were creating magical sounds and sharing dreams. It was inspiring to say the LEAST.





THANK you for the ride you guys. I'm going to find them at the burn this year. I must.

SPEAKING OF.

After three productive camp meetings, my group and I still haven't come up with a GOOD theme and I'm starting to get worried, since we only have a couple weeks until our proposal must be submitted. EEK! We have BIG ideas this year. Bigger than any other year of course. And we're trying to figure out what will make us shine. Lego Castle camp? FireFLIES camp with a fire truck? Big ol' Furry ANIMAL camp? We have some humps to get over.

Until then, I will be gradually seeking employment while receiving unemployment, creating ideas, taking mini road trips, brewing more dreams for my future, and playing with hearts if they deserve it. Don't take that the wrong way silly boys. =)

Hawl... ERR.