Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Playing Catch-up

I can't believe I went this long without a peep of written memory. Well, it's never too late at least..

In the past six months I have:

Visited my sister, Alaina. Way too short to see my blood for just a week.

Had a Birthday blowout on Orcas Island.. Had some good and bad times during that weekend. Definitely had better birthdays but none of them had a view like I had this time.

Celebrated a one year anniversary with my one and only, Cameron Nichols. Man, I can't believe we have made it this long! The lust has never fizzled. But with that, comes the fighting - which hasn't really fizzled much either. We are always bouncing back and forth but somehow, someway we manage to make our relationship deeper, stronger, better, and more worth it every day. It's crazy to think at the age of 26 that simply THIS IS IT for me.

Celebrated Cam's birthday shortly after housing a bunch of his friends at the house, including flying out my sister for over a week! That was pretty chaotic but oh so memorable.

Took a trip with my brother, Anton, to a festival located in the northern tip of the United States, Neah Bay. The festival was madness and a great escape. Mainly, my trip with my brother was also lost time made up with my good ol friend Haley. I haven't seen her much since being with Cam and it was good to catch up and do 'us.' It was MUCH needed.

And now, I am here - sitting and looking at my life and how lucky I am. I get to have a stable job, a loving and passionate boyfriend who adores me, I get to live with my brother, I get to have this wonderful life...

Things I can't help but think about improving in my life are:

My career - I haven't focused on what exactly I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I work at Seattle E-Bike but is that my life? Is that where I want to be years and years from now? Probably not. But I have become so embedded into that place that it becomes more and more blurry thinking about myself leaving that place. One day, I'll find something. I'll figure it out. Maybe I am destined to birth some beautiful children and take after them so carefully and lovingly just like my mother did. Maybe there is something more... All I know is, I got creative vibrations in me and if I don't let them out someway, I'll freak out.

My family - I only see my dad maybe every other month and he is the only one, besides, my brother of course, that I can see alot more often. I need to let go of my fears that he is struggling and I can't help him. I need to do something. I should know more than anyone else, that I could lose him as quickly as tomorrow. When I build a family, I hope they live close so they won't have to miss out on so many precious moments that I get to miss out on because they all live so far away. It hurts, especially when they are gone and all you can't help but think about is what you could've done to prevent what happened. But I swallow my pride and I keep busting my butt to hopefully come out of this somewhat happy and successful. That's all I really want.

Get organized - I am trying but I could definitely be a much cleaner and healthier human being.

Get back in shape - I feel myself slipping and I need to hop on that again. I am too young to have achy knees and a pudgy stomach.

My ideas - I happen to have many ideas but the ones that I actually DO are very few. So few, that I drive myself alittle crazy, alittle anxious. I'm wanting more with my life and this is the biggest part of my life that I need to improve on. I have these ideas... building an empire with my best friend Taylor by creating clothing that has alittle style and abstractness accompanied with accessories that make those outfits pop. I want to make this scrapbook SO BAD. A scrap book that consists of my sister and I's life together. I want to give it to her so she can always feel me by her side. God I love her so much. I want to start taking sewing classes and I need to buy that dang sewing machine. I want to make cloths for my future children and for my already existing family. It means more and it's a very handy quality to have!

But most importantly, I want to write more. Writing allows me to be alittle more free. I let my mind expand and let the ideas come in. I am able to look at life more peacefully knowing that I have something to look back on. Something to laugh about. Something to be proud of.

And so, I will write because I never know what I'm thinking until I see what I said anyway...