FIRST OFF, I need to dis
cuss Burning Man for the future me who becomes older and most likely more structured so I can look back on the best days of my crazy life. Yes, Burning Man baby is what I'm talking about. Explaining this mind-blowing, life-altering experience is practically impossible so hence the pictures... which hardly do enough justice either. Oh well, onward. Burning man this year was unlike last year, in a way that it brought more value and staying power than just a crazy wild experience. I never really grasped what BM was all about last year until the end. Then what did I do? Ventured all throughout southern California for three months without a worry in the world or a schedule to live by. I couldn't stand the thought of going home to that routine and seemingly unfulfilled life I had back home. So now this year brought another perspective to mind. How to really become that innovative person and make a difference in this world an also bring value. Finding that one thing that will keep me working might be hard but I'm more ambitious to go out and look, even if it takes leaving the country and going out on my own to explore the 
possibilities, I'll do it. Whatever it takes. I'm going big and not coming back home this time. There are so many damn blogs I've written about how my life isn't fulfilling enough and how I'm not making anything of myself. Pretty much just how utterly pathetic I am for not finishing school and moving on towards a career to dink around with for the rest of my life. But then what? What will that fulfill... the average Americans' dream? FUCK that. I need stimulation and passion otherwise I'm just not there. Now I just have to put all this energy into something palpable and reachable. My mind is literally exploding right about now. (I think I like this version better already...)Anyway, so these pictures are just a few of whats out there and what it's all about. It's all about what people have to contribute and to just give a piece of who they are to Burning Man. It could be a bumpin' Art Car, to a massive structure, to a dancing dome with world known DJ's spinning beats, to the hottest bar on the playa. Things that I've never thought of before I'll find there... that's the beauty of it. The most talented and creative people on playa exist th
ere and I get a chance to go EVERY YEAR! You mind as well call me a die hard burner now.... I'm never stopping. Hell, I'll probably meet my future husband there someday... speaking of.... ;-)
I was on fire the first couple days I first stepped my uncracked, unbr
uised, moistened feet onto the playa... but then... I started dancing and I couldn't really stop. Seriously... I sometimes don't realize I can dance so much and so well until I'm out there on the playa. Anyway, the second night... lets just say my feet have already done enough dancing for the year but I still kept goin. It was around 4-5 am and my whole camp is no where around (probably back at ca
mp sleeping) and I'm still goin on the dance floor. I go to the last club that's close to home and see this handsome, young guy dancing with the same energy as me. I was feelin' it and was vibing off of him. Next thing you know we're chatting up a storm on the dance floor. Then, we find our way to the bar and talk a bit more, which turned into making out and cuddling into the daylight. It was lovely... however, I didn't think it would turn out to be so easy to find him after that. I leave later thinking we'd may or may not see each other later. Throughout the day, he had crossed my mind and I'd hope to see him but knowing Mikaela, I don't let men consume my thoughts and plus there were SO many things to see I was in my own la la land. So, I'm out with my brother and crew dancing like crazy and all the sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder and of course it's fucking him! I was stoked and his eyes were wide open in disbelief and ended up having a magnificent rest of the night together. The next day same thing happens, except we said we'd meet later at the Pink Mammoth camp. No time really just at some point... I let the w
hole afternoon go by before I felt the urge to go to this camp and find him. Two minutes in, there he is walking in with the exact same intentions to find me. The evening was beautiful on a lovely art car. We easily met up again later after I prepped for the night, which turned out to be even better than the last. The next day just got weird... I was waiting for my neighbor chick, ashleigh who is also from london... haha course, to piss and along comes him and his two friends on their bikes and just happened to ride by... out of 50,000 people?? I couldn't make anything of it... it was just an amazing feeling that the call of fate really brought us together. I started to fall in love after that and the rest of my trip was history. It was so short but so beautiful. The pictures really do alot of the talking. I wish I wasn't into men that live on the other side of the world from me.... Now if fate reaaaaalllly worked- we'd make a way to see each other in the real world. haha. right. I WISH!!
On to the reality of things...............................
The last day was sad... everything started to sink in before we even left! Ollie (man I met) and I were crying about the great memories we had on the playa this year and how it's all ending. We thought about our futures and where they were heading... and then it was goodbye... I got all choked up and walked off only to run into all his friends I saw the night before. Everything about the man made me not want to leave him, including fate!!, but I knew I had to. And, boy, am I bad at goodbyes. I wish and hope and get lucky to see him someday soon...
Anyway, the packing was a drag... driving was a drag, especially since everyone smoked pot and passed out and couldn't drive which left me up to the task with a bunch of ol' love songs that I found to be great for karaoke one of these days soon... I just couldn't stop thinking about him. Thank god everyone was mostly sleeping - I hate how dumbfounded I get over men sometimes... So 24 hours, a few dips in the hot springs and a Mc Donald's trip later - WE ARRIVE!!!! It was 2 am and WOW. I have never felt so in AWE over a comfy, clean bed. I sunk into those right away and went on in my dreamy world with my playa boy friend. aweee...
The next day was filled with cleaning, laundry, vacuum, organizing, and then finally resting... we realized somewhere through the day that this house is about to be foreclosed. My dad stopped paying the bills, which means I need to find a place to live asap. As if I needed another packing trip. As sad as it is to leave this place, I am a big fan of new beginnings... I just hope it doesn't become a draggg.
Another cozy night goes by in my bed and still have those playa bugs flying in my stomach not wanting to face reality quite yet. Waking up the next morning was a bit more peaceful. I start off slow... catch up on emails finally- and facebook of course ... and what do ya know! I see Mr. Ollie on and start chatting with him... it's crushing to go from a touch to a screen but it was nice to hear from him to say the least... He missed me... I missed him... we discussed the reality of everything now that we're back in our own worlds... then we said our farewells and off to the day I go...
As I'm getting up to start my day... my sister comes storming into the room in tears - could hardly speak and then catches her breath to say that our grandfather, G-Pa, has shot himself dead. . . . great. As if my week could get any better. Without hesitation we agreed to get ready and head down to see G-Ma and help arrange everything with her... man, she was an absolute WRECK. Me and Ali were too... it was just a sad thing to see... tears all day - memories of my childhood flashing back from when we were so happy together. Then to hear all the horror and anger and disbelief of such a sudden traumatic incident... it was just unbearable. We were glad to be there for her though... who knows what she would have done.
We stayed the night there, slept a few hours then helped her get through her day (signed bills, went grocery shopping, etc..) We talked her through everything at least 5 times and told her to stay strong... She just was so pissed I don't think anything we could have said would have changed anything. She decided to see him before his cremation so we went to the funeral home... and I opened the door to see him. agh. what a sight. eyes discolored and bulging twice as big out of his face.... the blood from his brain had flowed right to the front and caused it to be that way. It was sick... she stroked his face and asked why several times... put her hands on his heart then slowly walked away... it wasn't a sight to be seen for more than a minute. I hope I don't have nightmares.... I've thought about it though. He'd had his stroke over 14 years ago, was so independent and strong to so helpless and weak... couldn't talk anymore and couldn't use the left side of his body. He had his brain though... I couldn't even begin to think how frustrating that would be. I am happy he's free from the agony though, even though it wasn't a natural way to go... I can just see him smiling and laughing walking freely with my mom somewhere up there....
Now, finally, after everything has been said and done... I'm home. I'm finally home. It's the weirdest feeling I have right now from such highs to the worst lows but I'm sure it will even out eventually... back to normal... where reality hits me when the dreams don't behave.
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