Old intetentions, New year to make them happen.

This year, just like any other year, I find myself making resolutions to better my life and end up falling short to the throne of saving the world. I settle with the comfort I've let my life revolve around with a clear mind that maybe something that will better me might fall on my lap instead. Well, this year is definitely going to start very similar but will drastically take some changes. I want to grow and find a place where life suits me most. I want to have enough drive and wit to get there. And when I get closer I want to keep PUSHING and knowing that this is the right path for me.

This year, I've made a list and it goes alittle something like this:

-Make a list of tomorrow's day each night
-Write at least once a week.
-Eat Healthier (Control my hunger cravings!)
-Drink WAY less
-Find out how I can get into the Apparel Design Program THIS YEAR.
-Take the prerequisites prior to enrolling.
-Have more patience.
-Help Seattle E-Bike reach it's full potential.
-See my sister and family in other states at least TWICE this year.
-Love who I am as much as possible
-Love others with a PMA to back it up.
-Build value to the friends I want to keep.
-Quit Tia Lou's
-Start doing Yoga/swimming workouts at least 4 times a week.
-Do something out of my way for someone else each and every day.
-Walk Daisy once a week.


I look at this now and already see myself not owning up to the majority of it. I know how lazy I can be. But it is about time I stop and start taking control of my life and my future. I want this life to mean something and I want those closest to me to benefit from it.

To a new year and a new attitude.

Needy thoughts; ambitious delerium.

I have decided yesterday that I will be on a healthy kick. Today, I've managed to pass on going out but yet still eat alot of food. I'm constructing lists to enforce that I remember to make myself feel bad if I don't get it done. I need to stop being afraid. hah. That is the last thing my friends would say that I am. But that one feeling and that other one called love are the only two REAL feelings that each one of us truly feels. Everything else is branched off from that core feeling of fear and love. I read that somewhere. Makes sense right? So fear I must fight. every. day.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I'm not focused enough to point my finger and say THAT is what I'm supposed to do today. "Sorry friends, I can't go to the park on this fine day and have a picnic" ... "Sorry photographer, I cannot make this shoot happen for the benefit of your portfolio" ... "Sorry booze, I cannot continue to let me feel good and distract me from my obligations tomorrow." Sorry. I get it. I'm mislead into a for-now-happiness and a let-down-future. I need more. When will that fucking light bulb go on already?

Tomorrow will be my new day. I will wake up and run outside. Breathe spring's motivation and ignore the clouds around it. I am going to taste a plan tomorrow and man it's going to be sweet. A friend wants to see me but he's just going to have to wait. I can feel it taking me over into a dazzling reflection of the water's echo. I can see myself, glowing with excitement for my next, fulfilling project (whatever that may be) while allowing my partner to let his satisfied soul rest where mine is. And life will be good.

I want to have my own indoor pool where I can have private events. Splash the interior with bright, vibrant colors with lights streaming along the sides and around the pool. A ceiling of a clear, sun-fulled, blue sky with real palm trees in the corners. Maybe even a slide. And the pool takes up half the room that is half the size of a football field.

I want a clothing line filled with feathers. I want a feather-rimmed skirt with feather arm warmers and barrettes. I want feather patterns and flying birds printed on my t-shirts and skirts. Bright shirts only. I want my own dang feather symbol already.

I want to have a studio where I can create such fine pieces of material with all sorts of fabrics and buttons and a couple sewing machines, but not only that. I want a music area where I can have beautiful sounds flowing out of my room with mounds of motivation behind it. I also want a canvas in my crafty room so I can paint what I feel in my head that can't be explained and a pottery area in case I want to get my hands dirty or accidentally break dishes and need more.

I want to take amazing pictures with a 35 mm digital camera. PLEASE. I want them all to be of my traveling through the world's adventures. I want to sky dive each place I go to and I want no one to come with me.

I REALLY need voice lessons. That way I can start being more confident on stage or wherever I am.

I want to win the lottery so I can accomplish all of this. I wish I was raised in a world of non-monetary things. My goals could be accomplished much easier that way. I hope I find my nitch and I'm proud of myself for it because so far... well, I still have a ways and I'm just getting started.

I want to be crazy in a good way all the time and I want my success to prove it. That is all. Good night.