so since the last time I wrote on here, I was starting college and it was going well. WELL, first semester did turn out pretty well, however last semester of my first year in college was a DISGRACE - lets just say that I got bad grades... ok I partied too much. The more I kept crying on the phone with my dad being so afraid of what I should expect when I get home from his sternness, my life at wazzu became sort of a blur. (when I came home however, my dad and I became best friends which wasnt what I expected.) I took sundays off of partying to recover, which wasn't enough to get by with grades I aimed for. WHATEVER freshman is a time I will never forget! Examples of my unforgettable experience include:
~having huge slumber parties in my dorm room with a mattress covered floor.
~laughing/having fun/being loud at all hrs of the night to piss our loser, neighbor friend off.
~DRUNK DIALING - I'm not annoying... much (I swear to GOD I'm not DRUNK!)
~daily girl gossip
~GIRL FIGHTS - well almost but there was definitely tension
~MY infamous fruit steal from the stalled semi truck
~sleeping on the frat porches... yes I know
~getting kicked out of FLIX with noticably drunk KRISTEN haha
~me and my lovely roomie, BEAR TOES, being dramatic with music
~pulling allnighters until class in the morning (mostly because I party hard... not study hard)
~lovely surprises in my room when I was gone like it being covered in TOILET PAPER!
~drinking during class
~swallowing a goldfish --- umm yeah I was dared and drunk... I had no other choice
well I could go on but then I would be up all night... regardless though, wazzu rocked my world and I hope I can get back being a more successful student so I'll last.
Anyway, since college, I spent a couple days at home until I got the chance to fly to new york to work for my brother and his company! And I must say, I've been here about five days and barely got any work done, we've just been partying too much! yeah thats my brother for ya: a lazy bum that happened to get lucky and start his own online advertising agency and since then had it made for him... he and his girfriend, Maritza just had a baby girl, Madison, in december so I'm having fun with her. I love spending time with the fam here since I really havent had the chance to before now. in the next few days we're supposed to go to miami to do some more work, if my brother can get off his ass and book the flights! I'm excited to get there!
Anyway, I'm tired (and high haha) but just thoguht I would throw a few words in here to catch up a bit... more later though :)
gnight,
MB
Don't let morals set you back in life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
I still have a BLOG
WOW I haven't wrote in this for a while. I guess I just didnt feel the need to since college has started for me. Plus I'm not really motivated to do so.
College has been reallly good for me. I just started water polo last week and went to a tournament this weekend and realized how much I missed this sport and is something I love. My whole life I have always left the people and things that i love so I'm glad I'm taking this sport back up in my life. And I've met some really cool people so far during the process.
I guess I'm going to be an aunty TWICE now! my sister is having a baby boy in february and my brother is having a baby girl in December! I can't believe it... I'm so happy for them both.
GUYS GUYS OH GUYS.... I just don't know what to do with myself these days. I have the most fucked up relationships that I know every problem with relationships in the book. OK well I guess its not really that bad but I just want to meet a new guy, someone different from the others. I always end up finding something wrong in a guy and it's something that screws everything up in the end.... wow I'm not being really specific... OK the only thing I'm seeing in why guys like me is because of my looks. I want to be able to meet someone and have them want to get to know me more because they're interested in my personality and not my looks. Then again, I don't think I would necessarily be into someone that was an ugly duck. Physical attractiveness is all what its about these days...
dude I cant concentrate with these crazy people in my class right now but I WILL write WAY more often.... hopefully...
College has been reallly good for me. I just started water polo last week and went to a tournament this weekend and realized how much I missed this sport and is something I love. My whole life I have always left the people and things that i love so I'm glad I'm taking this sport back up in my life. And I've met some really cool people so far during the process.
I guess I'm going to be an aunty TWICE now! my sister is having a baby boy in february and my brother is having a baby girl in December! I can't believe it... I'm so happy for them both.
GUYS GUYS OH GUYS.... I just don't know what to do with myself these days. I have the most fucked up relationships that I know every problem with relationships in the book. OK well I guess its not really that bad but I just want to meet a new guy, someone different from the others. I always end up finding something wrong in a guy and it's something that screws everything up in the end.... wow I'm not being really specific... OK the only thing I'm seeing in why guys like me is because of my looks. I want to be able to meet someone and have them want to get to know me more because they're interested in my personality and not my looks. Then again, I don't think I would necessarily be into someone that was an ugly duck. Physical attractiveness is all what its about these days...
dude I cant concentrate with these crazy people in my class right now but I WILL write WAY more often.... hopefully...
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Winding down...
Wow ... it seems like as the days pass by and summer is coming down to an end for me, I have the time of my life just kickin it and having fun. Ahhh I hate how that happens to me! I'm really excited too at the same time, knowing that I'm taking a whole new step in my life which will reflect my future. Summer just doesn't feel like it should end so soon I guess.
I just realize yesterday that I wasn't signed up to rush so I guess it turns out that I don't have to leave for a couple more days! That gives me so much more flexibility rather than leaving tomorrow morning! I figure that this is better anyway, that way I don't have to be committed to anything right in the beginning and I can just get a feel of what I am interested in, if that is deciding to pledge next semester or not.
Hmm... the past two weeks have just kinda flew by, but then again so has this whole summer. I guess lately I've been trying to find where the party's at and trying to live my limited time here in Bellevue up! Last night was pretty crazy. As Laura and I get impatient waiting for people to call, we decided to meet up with this guy Tony that I met at the beach a while back. He takes us to this party in Juanita and it's alright I guess. Laura and I weren't feeling it after a while so when we heard of a Seattle party, we decided to leave. And of course as we leave everyone starts going crazy! Ha ha fun times. I didn't realize how good looking Tony was when I saw him last night.... hmm ha ha
I wish I could catch up more on what I've been up to but I am SO exhausted from waking up so early this morning to go on a long hike/swim after such a long night last night! I need a nap...
I'll write more soon
I just realize yesterday that I wasn't signed up to rush so I guess it turns out that I don't have to leave for a couple more days! That gives me so much more flexibility rather than leaving tomorrow morning! I figure that this is better anyway, that way I don't have to be committed to anything right in the beginning and I can just get a feel of what I am interested in, if that is deciding to pledge next semester or not.
Hmm... the past two weeks have just kinda flew by, but then again so has this whole summer. I guess lately I've been trying to find where the party's at and trying to live my limited time here in Bellevue up! Last night was pretty crazy. As Laura and I get impatient waiting for people to call, we decided to meet up with this guy Tony that I met at the beach a while back. He takes us to this party in Juanita and it's alright I guess. Laura and I weren't feeling it after a while so when we heard of a Seattle party, we decided to leave. And of course as we leave everyone starts going crazy! Ha ha fun times. I didn't realize how good looking Tony was when I saw him last night.... hmm ha ha
I wish I could catch up more on what I've been up to but I am SO exhausted from waking up so early this morning to go on a long hike/swim after such a long night last night! I need a nap...
I'll write more soon
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
uhh... 10 days?
Ok ... So the first part of this week was a very interesting one. I traveled the pass with my good buddy Calvin and headed towards WSU for a couple days. I thought it was put together pretty well, but it just seemed like too much was going on all at once and we never had any down time. Because of this, we brought some of our own excitement ... WEED! Not only did Calv and I bring some chron, but we met three bomb ass guys that matched with us and we all got smoked out. It was fuckin insane though because we smoked in our dorms and if any of the orientation counselors were to find out, we would be kicked off the program. Knowing that, of course an orientation counselor comes into our room with like 10 people in it and questions if we smoked because it wreaked in the hallway. We convinced though that it was us by saying that we saw a couple kids wondering in a hallway and a whole bunch of kids on a floor in the building, and they left with our convincing words. We definitely had an awesome time. Oh! and I had an awesome roommate with basically the same name as me, Kayla! She's coming up to Seattle next weekend from Oregon so we can kick it ... I'm excited! Thank God though that I could go with Calvin after all because he's one of the coolest guys I know and I haven't seen him all summer so it was nice to catch up.
Now I'm back home and it feels so nice to be back at least for a little bit. I'm really running out of time though here and I'm about to head to college... crazy stuff. I'm going to be missing so many people over here, especially the ones I've kicked it with this summer. I'm gonna have to shout out to D, you've always been there for me, whether it's someone to talk to or just kickin it at the beach or cruisin in the car. AND LAURA! Man we have gotten so close this summer and now you're heading to Cali in a few weeks! We have had some awesome times together this summer and it's something I'm definitely going to miss... Brandon, you're are one of the coolest, most down-to-earth guys I know. Thank you for being there for me this summer (hmm TOW?!?) and smoking me out several times! Marcello! I'm going to miss living so close to you and seeing you every day workin hard at my house.. you're awesome. Tyler, you're hot. Joel, you're probably the one I've known the longest since I've been in WA and it's been a blast whenever I kick it with you! Katie... you've already left me down in New Mexico! We've had some great times together... too bad we didn't kick it more though. All the MN homies: I'm sorry I couldn't make it out there this summer but at least I saw one of you! yep that's right JUSTIN! You're the man and probably one of the best guys I can talk to about anything LOL. (fajitas ha ha)
AHH!! I have to go get ready and go college shopping... I'm excited. I know I missed some of you up there so I know I'll be shouting out to more of you as these next 10 days roll by. LOL I feel like I'm never going to see them again! I'll be back for the breaks though for sure.
"And that's it..." as my MN friend Katie would say.
~BB
Now I'm back home and it feels so nice to be back at least for a little bit. I'm really running out of time though here and I'm about to head to college... crazy stuff. I'm going to be missing so many people over here, especially the ones I've kicked it with this summer. I'm gonna have to shout out to D, you've always been there for me, whether it's someone to talk to or just kickin it at the beach or cruisin in the car. AND LAURA! Man we have gotten so close this summer and now you're heading to Cali in a few weeks! We have had some awesome times together this summer and it's something I'm definitely going to miss... Brandon, you're are one of the coolest, most down-to-earth guys I know. Thank you for being there for me this summer (hmm TOW?!?) and smoking me out several times! Marcello! I'm going to miss living so close to you and seeing you every day workin hard at my house.. you're awesome. Tyler, you're hot. Joel, you're probably the one I've known the longest since I've been in WA and it's been a blast whenever I kick it with you! Katie... you've already left me down in New Mexico! We've had some great times together... too bad we didn't kick it more though. All the MN homies: I'm sorry I couldn't make it out there this summer but at least I saw one of you! yep that's right JUSTIN! You're the man and probably one of the best guys I can talk to about anything LOL. (fajitas ha ha)
AHH!! I have to go get ready and go college shopping... I'm excited. I know I missed some of you up there so I know I'll be shouting out to more of you as these next 10 days roll by. LOL I feel like I'm never going to see them again! I'll be back for the breaks though for sure.
"And that's it..." as my MN friend Katie would say.
~BB
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Where did SUMMER go?
seriously... This summer has been a trip, but at the same time it's been FLYING by. Even though my summer is going to be cut short because WSU starts so early, what did I do these whole 6 weeks?!? I really don't even know where to begin...
Well to start off, the familymobile got towed about 2 weeks ago. I went to a TKE party and parked my car in a fairly safe parking lot. As I have my fun and time goes by, I start to head back to my car thats not where I parked it. My friend, Laura, almost freaks me out by saying the worst that could happen to my car, it being stolen. For a split second I almost believe her, until I realize that you can't just steal a Ford Taurus, it's basically a police car and it can't be wired up to start. So it becomes clear to me that my car had gotten towed. My AWESOME friend Brandon (my ex water polo coach) was truely the homie. He called a cab, paid for it, and let me and Laura pass out at his apartment until he would drive us the next morning and paid the $200 for my towed car. Seriously, I couldn't have asked for more from him, except for smoking me out every once in a while ha ha.
OF course, I am supposed to pay my good friend back. So I go to the bank and take out $200 from my account, which is most of what I have, and I cash it. I bring the stack home and put it underneath a book so I don't have the temptation of spending it. A couple days later, I meet up with brandon again and go back to the spot where I had left my money, and knowing me and my luck, the money had vanished. I told NO ONE where I put the money and my sister and dad both claimed that they didn't take it either so I was just basically in a panic attack all day. I knew at some point I would need some help from my dad to pay brandon back but I didn't know how to tell him. Well it's funny because today my dad comes up to me and started talking to me about my $200 that disappeared, he then said that I would need to start working around the house to earn the money back so that I could pay for my tow. I don't know how he found out, but I'm thinking either my sister, brother, or aunt had told him, but my bets are on my brother.
Last night, after finding out that my hopes on finding my money were pretty slim to none, I invite people over. I didn't realize or expect so many people to show up but that's pretty much what happened. Everything started to get out of hand but at some point I just didn't care and I wanted to have SOME fun after a depressing and frustrating day. My dad came home though at around 10 and seemed to be alright that I had a crowd over as he was talking to all my friends and saying something around how he was known as the "king" at parties. What a funny guy ... but not really the next morning. He grounded me from the car until I leave so basically I wont be able to drive it forever and said I couldnt go to summer jam today. That really bummed me out but at the same time I wasn't feeling very well from last night so I'm not too upset and disappointed that I couldn't go. I need to make some money around the house anyway.
I'm REALLY excited though about the ALIVE trip that I'm about to go on with my good buddy Calvin. First off, my dad insisted on taking me because he thought it would be a good time to bond and talk about everything, also for him to see what I'm about to get myself into at WSU. But then yesterday he came up to me and said that he was having a hard time getting off work to take me so I realized I could go with calv after all! I'm pretty stoked about that now. I just hope I don't get really cruddy classes since we're going on the last session where you can sign up for classes. whatever though I'm in.
Well I better go off to cleaning up the house and makin some money from the father. At least I haven't gotten the WWF attitude from him... he's been pretty calm about everything but firm with the consequences... fair enough.
Yeah about not writing in this blog as much as I should...
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
~BB
Well to start off, the familymobile got towed about 2 weeks ago. I went to a TKE party and parked my car in a fairly safe parking lot. As I have my fun and time goes by, I start to head back to my car thats not where I parked it. My friend, Laura, almost freaks me out by saying the worst that could happen to my car, it being stolen. For a split second I almost believe her, until I realize that you can't just steal a Ford Taurus, it's basically a police car and it can't be wired up to start. So it becomes clear to me that my car had gotten towed. My AWESOME friend Brandon (my ex water polo coach) was truely the homie. He called a cab, paid for it, and let me and Laura pass out at his apartment until he would drive us the next morning and paid the $200 for my towed car. Seriously, I couldn't have asked for more from him, except for smoking me out every once in a while ha ha.
OF course, I am supposed to pay my good friend back. So I go to the bank and take out $200 from my account, which is most of what I have, and I cash it. I bring the stack home and put it underneath a book so I don't have the temptation of spending it. A couple days later, I meet up with brandon again and go back to the spot where I had left my money, and knowing me and my luck, the money had vanished. I told NO ONE where I put the money and my sister and dad both claimed that they didn't take it either so I was just basically in a panic attack all day. I knew at some point I would need some help from my dad to pay brandon back but I didn't know how to tell him. Well it's funny because today my dad comes up to me and started talking to me about my $200 that disappeared, he then said that I would need to start working around the house to earn the money back so that I could pay for my tow. I don't know how he found out, but I'm thinking either my sister, brother, or aunt had told him, but my bets are on my brother.
Last night, after finding out that my hopes on finding my money were pretty slim to none, I invite people over. I didn't realize or expect so many people to show up but that's pretty much what happened. Everything started to get out of hand but at some point I just didn't care and I wanted to have SOME fun after a depressing and frustrating day. My dad came home though at around 10 and seemed to be alright that I had a crowd over as he was talking to all my friends and saying something around how he was known as the "king" at parties. What a funny guy ... but not really the next morning. He grounded me from the car until I leave so basically I wont be able to drive it forever and said I couldnt go to summer jam today. That really bummed me out but at the same time I wasn't feeling very well from last night so I'm not too upset and disappointed that I couldn't go. I need to make some money around the house anyway.
I'm REALLY excited though about the ALIVE trip that I'm about to go on with my good buddy Calvin. First off, my dad insisted on taking me because he thought it would be a good time to bond and talk about everything, also for him to see what I'm about to get myself into at WSU. But then yesterday he came up to me and said that he was having a hard time getting off work to take me so I realized I could go with calv after all! I'm pretty stoked about that now. I just hope I don't get really cruddy classes since we're going on the last session where you can sign up for classes. whatever though I'm in.
Well I better go off to cleaning up the house and makin some money from the father. At least I haven't gotten the WWF attitude from him... he's been pretty calm about everything but firm with the consequences... fair enough.
Yeah about not writing in this blog as much as I should...
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
~BB
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
oh wow... I almost let a whole month go by without me making an update. This summer has been a trip though.. every day is a new day for me and I always seem to find a way so that every day is fun and I'm not just sitting on my ass or going to work. My dad kind of gave up on helping me find a job just because its so much work and I don't have that much time left until I leave so its whatever i guess.
The fourth of july was pretty alright for me, considering I was in federal way! Well I thought I was just going to be at my uncle's place for the day but as time carried on we started to realize that we're not going to have a ride back to bellevue or even seattle to go to gasworks. So we ended up just staying there for the night and the next day (we as in me, my sister, and ally). Knowing me, I wanted to make the best of where I was at so my cousins, my sister, ally and I all got faded behind my uncle's back and just had a good time for the rest of the night. HA HA oh and later on we went down the street where there were some boys my age setting off fireworks which was fun. But the best part was when these girls show up and don't seem friendly to me and Ally, I dunno maybe because we were tall and pretty and they were fat and ugly ha ha, but we had to go home we started walking away and the girls were like "fuck you!" We didn't know for sure if they were talking to us so we kept walking. We realized later that night that they were talking to us because the girl called us up and started bitching at us so we retaliated and we came down to the point where we were going to fight the next day or something but then Ally's phone went dead so nothing else happened. It was just funny to see girls who were just being I dunno, jealous? or just stuck up because they didn't know us? Ha ha whatever though it was a fun night.
Jeez summer is flying so fast though! It's crazy to think that I only have 5 more weeks of summer until I'm off to college! Maybe I'm just scared and anxious at the same time knowing that my life is about to change so much so soon. I'm glad that there will be many other people just like me who will be in the same position and feeling the same way. Thats more comforting I guess.
Well I probably should be getting ready for the day considering I just woke up an hour ago and its already 2! Good thing that is a cruddy day for weather.
If I haven't seen some of you guys yet this summer and you want to kick it CALL ME! keep in touch you know who you are.
~BB
The fourth of july was pretty alright for me, considering I was in federal way! Well I thought I was just going to be at my uncle's place for the day but as time carried on we started to realize that we're not going to have a ride back to bellevue or even seattle to go to gasworks. So we ended up just staying there for the night and the next day (we as in me, my sister, and ally). Knowing me, I wanted to make the best of where I was at so my cousins, my sister, ally and I all got faded behind my uncle's back and just had a good time for the rest of the night. HA HA oh and later on we went down the street where there were some boys my age setting off fireworks which was fun. But the best part was when these girls show up and don't seem friendly to me and Ally, I dunno maybe because we were tall and pretty and they were fat and ugly ha ha, but we had to go home we started walking away and the girls were like "fuck you!" We didn't know for sure if they were talking to us so we kept walking. We realized later that night that they were talking to us because the girl called us up and started bitching at us so we retaliated and we came down to the point where we were going to fight the next day or something but then Ally's phone went dead so nothing else happened. It was just funny to see girls who were just being I dunno, jealous? or just stuck up because they didn't know us? Ha ha whatever though it was a fun night.
Jeez summer is flying so fast though! It's crazy to think that I only have 5 more weeks of summer until I'm off to college! Maybe I'm just scared and anxious at the same time knowing that my life is about to change so much so soon. I'm glad that there will be many other people just like me who will be in the same position and feeling the same way. Thats more comforting I guess.
Well I probably should be getting ready for the day considering I just woke up an hour ago and its already 2! Good thing that is a cruddy day for weather.
If I haven't seen some of you guys yet this summer and you want to kick it CALL ME! keep in touch you know who you are.
~BB
Thursday, June 10, 2004
schools almost out
Alright so I just got back from the senior prank we just did... I was kind of disappointed on how it was all organized. I mean I guess I got there late but people were just standing around and then finally decided to leave after figuring out that there was nothing left for us to do. So now I'm living off of 3 mountain dews and I'm not feeling tired at all. Tomorrow morning will probably be different.
Wow I'm so bad at keeping up with these things. So since two weeks ago, my step mom moved out officially and I haven't seen her since, I got a new job even though my dad really thinks I should turn it down, school is almost out - one more day man - I went clubbing for the first time (now that was some crazy shit! I'm about to do that more often...), and then the same old shit or I just can't remember what else. I've just been trying to stay on the bright side even though it hasn't been leaning my way lately...
My dad has been going through a lot of stress lately and part of it has to do with me. I know he's hurting from Heather leaving and about my mom... we're both directly affected there. But the fact that he can't trust me makes our relationship seem dull. Today we've been starting to walk it through after we got into an arguement. So hopefully things will start to get better for us... especially with him trusting me... thats the biggest issue. Our lives right now are just being changed A LOT and its just been hard for us to deal with it. For me, I try not to be in that environment so I usually just spend a lot of time with friends and maybe a different mindset.
Anyway, I'm incredibly excited for my aunt to come in on friday! I love that woman to death! She's been always there for me to talk to, gets me little things every so often, and is coming in my neighborhood in TWO DAYS!! AND I also get to see my step sis and dad, Mandy and Randy! AH I miss them both so much and I'm so thankful that I get to see them soon, especially on my graduation day. Those three people mean so much to me and I don't know what I would do if I were without them. AHH I'm excited!
K, well apparently it's bedtime since it's like 2... ha ha whatever schools tomorrow and then HIGHSCHOOL IS OVER... finished just like that! well, not really "just like that" it took alot of years and hardwork to get to where I am now. From here, I have a whole summer to do whatever the hell I want to and then I'm out to Pullman, the town for WSU students... woot woot!
Well, I'm sorry for all you underclassmen who still have another week after this week of school ... plus another couple years until you graduate... it will go by faster than you know though so have fun while you kids are still young. I'm so glad this highschool thing is over...
Alright, after this weekend I'm going to have to write something about it ... by that time I'm going to be a HS grad and the summer will be here! write more later
~BB
Wow I'm so bad at keeping up with these things. So since two weeks ago, my step mom moved out officially and I haven't seen her since, I got a new job even though my dad really thinks I should turn it down, school is almost out - one more day man - I went clubbing for the first time (now that was some crazy shit! I'm about to do that more often...), and then the same old shit or I just can't remember what else. I've just been trying to stay on the bright side even though it hasn't been leaning my way lately...
My dad has been going through a lot of stress lately and part of it has to do with me. I know he's hurting from Heather leaving and about my mom... we're both directly affected there. But the fact that he can't trust me makes our relationship seem dull. Today we've been starting to walk it through after we got into an arguement. So hopefully things will start to get better for us... especially with him trusting me... thats the biggest issue. Our lives right now are just being changed A LOT and its just been hard for us to deal with it. For me, I try not to be in that environment so I usually just spend a lot of time with friends and maybe a different mindset.
Anyway, I'm incredibly excited for my aunt to come in on friday! I love that woman to death! She's been always there for me to talk to, gets me little things every so often, and is coming in my neighborhood in TWO DAYS!! AND I also get to see my step sis and dad, Mandy and Randy! AH I miss them both so much and I'm so thankful that I get to see them soon, especially on my graduation day. Those three people mean so much to me and I don't know what I would do if I were without them. AHH I'm excited!
K, well apparently it's bedtime since it's like 2... ha ha whatever schools tomorrow and then HIGHSCHOOL IS OVER... finished just like that! well, not really "just like that" it took alot of years and hardwork to get to where I am now. From here, I have a whole summer to do whatever the hell I want to and then I'm out to Pullman, the town for WSU students... woot woot!
Well, I'm sorry for all you underclassmen who still have another week after this week of school ... plus another couple years until you graduate... it will go by faster than you know though so have fun while you kids are still young. I'm so glad this highschool thing is over...
Alright, after this weekend I'm going to have to write something about it ... by that time I'm going to be a HS grad and the summer will be here! write more later
~BB
Monday, May 31, 2004
AHHH It's been a minute since I've written in this thing but I don't think alot of you readers would care anyway...
So my 18th birthday passed... it's definitely nice to be this age, but I'm not feeling the more freedom idea and less harsh parents. Speaking of parents, my step mom is finally moving out of this house and is going to be divorcing my dad eventually. I really can't believe the time has finally come. You know you think that when parents are really mad at eachother and you think they are about to split up, of course they get back together the next day. That's how it's been for my dad and step-mom. I just can't believe they actually put the foot down after 14 years. lol I keep remembering how my brothers would joke with me about me first moving here a year and a half ago. My brother would always say, "ok here's the plan: you and your sister are going to drive dad and our step mom crazy until they split up." And a year and a half later, that's exactly what happened. Apparently though, it wasn't my sister and I that broke them up, my step mom and dad said that they have been having problems with their relationship for a long time now and they both agreed that they can't have a compatable relationship anymore. I mean I guess it's a good thing the way I see it because now there isn't two heads ruling the house and I don't have to put up with my step mom yelling at me constantly. I do see it as a bad thing in a way because I saw how my dad has been lately and he's losing his wife that he has been with for 14 years of his life. She has changed him so much in many good ways and it's just sad to see him lose the woman he married. But anyway, she's probably going to be moving out soon. We have already gotten a whole bunch of boxes and her stuff down to her new place and the moving truck it coming this week to take everything else. Wow I just can't believe it's over between them...
ANYWAY, school has been literally kicking my ass. Every time I squeak a project in, I get assigned another one. I think I might go crazy if school didn't end in about two weeks. I'm so behind it feels like in everything because I have so many projects to do ... grrr I just want the days to pass and get whatever grade... I'm already going to college so a 2.5 or higher is all I want. My mind right now is like "fuck school it's over" but there's still like 2 weeks left. Time is going by soo slow right now...
This weekend was pretty decent... Friday I went to dinner with Jill and Noelle for my birthday (thanks for the dinner by the way girls it was really sweet!) Then after that I met up with some other friends and we got faded and then bowled. It was awesome... I had fun. Then on Saturday, I basically did the same thing. Didn't do too much and came home early like a good girl. Sunday, however, was different. I kicked it in Newcastle and got fucked up there and didn't get home until early the next morning. My dad saw me come in because he was up for some reason and didn't seem to trip at all. I was pretty happy about that. All he really asked is when I wanted to be waken up. He was kind of tripping out today about it though but it doesn't seem to be that big of a problem right now considering all the other family problems we're dealing with right now.
Alright, it's getting late even though I'm not all that tired considering the time I went to bed last night... but I'll hit this back up hopefully soon. Take it easy everyone!
~BB
So my 18th birthday passed... it's definitely nice to be this age, but I'm not feeling the more freedom idea and less harsh parents. Speaking of parents, my step mom is finally moving out of this house and is going to be divorcing my dad eventually. I really can't believe the time has finally come. You know you think that when parents are really mad at eachother and you think they are about to split up, of course they get back together the next day. That's how it's been for my dad and step-mom. I just can't believe they actually put the foot down after 14 years. lol I keep remembering how my brothers would joke with me about me first moving here a year and a half ago. My brother would always say, "ok here's the plan: you and your sister are going to drive dad and our step mom crazy until they split up." And a year and a half later, that's exactly what happened. Apparently though, it wasn't my sister and I that broke them up, my step mom and dad said that they have been having problems with their relationship for a long time now and they both agreed that they can't have a compatable relationship anymore. I mean I guess it's a good thing the way I see it because now there isn't two heads ruling the house and I don't have to put up with my step mom yelling at me constantly. I do see it as a bad thing in a way because I saw how my dad has been lately and he's losing his wife that he has been with for 14 years of his life. She has changed him so much in many good ways and it's just sad to see him lose the woman he married. But anyway, she's probably going to be moving out soon. We have already gotten a whole bunch of boxes and her stuff down to her new place and the moving truck it coming this week to take everything else. Wow I just can't believe it's over between them...
ANYWAY, school has been literally kicking my ass. Every time I squeak a project in, I get assigned another one. I think I might go crazy if school didn't end in about two weeks. I'm so behind it feels like in everything because I have so many projects to do ... grrr I just want the days to pass and get whatever grade... I'm already going to college so a 2.5 or higher is all I want. My mind right now is like "fuck school it's over" but there's still like 2 weeks left. Time is going by soo slow right now...
This weekend was pretty decent... Friday I went to dinner with Jill and Noelle for my birthday (thanks for the dinner by the way girls it was really sweet!) Then after that I met up with some other friends and we got faded and then bowled. It was awesome... I had fun. Then on Saturday, I basically did the same thing. Didn't do too much and came home early like a good girl. Sunday, however, was different. I kicked it in Newcastle and got fucked up there and didn't get home until early the next morning. My dad saw me come in because he was up for some reason and didn't seem to trip at all. I was pretty happy about that. All he really asked is when I wanted to be waken up. He was kind of tripping out today about it though but it doesn't seem to be that big of a problem right now considering all the other family problems we're dealing with right now.
Alright, it's getting late even though I'm not all that tired considering the time I went to bed last night... but I'll hit this back up hopefully soon. Take it easy everyone!
~BB
Sunday, May 16, 2004
It's getting harder to write in this thing on a regular basis. Too much stuff that my life is preoccupied with right now I guess.
Anyway, this weekend I had a water polo tournament to qualify for state and yep... We're definitely going to state. I'm so proud of our team this year. We've improved so much, especially me. I feel like I really know what water polo is all about and how I can master it. I guess you can say that I mastered it when I scored 5 goals for the first game we played this weekend with a 10-5 score, one goal with a 3-1 score, 2 goals with a 7-0 score, and one with a 5-7 score. Yeah we lost a game but it was alright because we were all drained out during that game from playing before and not having any subs for the starters since 5 of our players weren't there. Next weekend is state so if anyone wants to come and see me and a whole bunch of girls in swimsuits let me know ha ha.
As far as this family of mine goes here at home, we aren't doing so well but what's new? My step mom has this temper where no one can even talk to her and she's kind of being like that right now, not so much towards me since I haven't really been home for her to be angry with, but more of my sister and dad. My dad came up to me the other day and said, "If you have any problems or issues, just talk to me because Heather can't emotionally take it. And if I catch you with anything I won't tell her because of the same reason. Just think of her as someone that lives in this house." I was surprised for him to tell me that because usually my dad isn't someone that keeps things from people, I mean especially his wife, but I'm not complaining because that means less punishment for me! Plus the fact that I'm going to be 18 in like a week will bring up the fact that I'm an adult now and I don't need to be punished like a child anymore. I went to a family counselor last Thursday and talked to her about all my problems with my step mom and dad. I guess it's always nice to talk to someone about your issues, especially if they're professional.
ANYWHO, I'm kind of sad that I'm not going to prom next weekend. I mean I guess I could have done something about it, like asked someone, but they probably would have been from a different school and I wouldn't know what group to go in so whatever. Prom is over-rated anyway. Plus I have state for water polo that weekend and I'll probably celebrate my birthday too that weekend since it's on the Monday after. AHH I'm not talking about this anymore...
OMG... I have so much homework it's insane. I never have the energy or the will to do it anymore though because I know this whole highschool thing is about to be over in 3 weeks. THREE WEEKS! Holy crap, that is coming fast ... I'm excited for WSU though. I know a lot of people going there and I'm just mentally ready to leave highschool. I just haven't enjoyed it as much my senior year as I probably have in my earlier years of highschool. I know I'm about to have a kick ass summer though with the beach lifeguarding, no school, more freedom, maybe a little travel, and just kickin it with everyone. AHH I can't wait for this to be over. Then again, I don't know how it's going to be like without highschool anymore... I'm hoping much better.
Oh jeez, I have a fuckin headache, and I'm SO SORE from playing all the polo games I played this weekend... I just need to relax. AHH but I can't because I have so much other shit to do. Like Walter's gay ass book report ... shit I haven't even turned in what book I'm reading to her! 3 weeks... 3 more weeks...
Well, I'm off to do some shit I probably not wanting to do so talk to you other cats later.
~BB
Anyway, this weekend I had a water polo tournament to qualify for state and yep... We're definitely going to state. I'm so proud of our team this year. We've improved so much, especially me. I feel like I really know what water polo is all about and how I can master it. I guess you can say that I mastered it when I scored 5 goals for the first game we played this weekend with a 10-5 score, one goal with a 3-1 score, 2 goals with a 7-0 score, and one with a 5-7 score. Yeah we lost a game but it was alright because we were all drained out during that game from playing before and not having any subs for the starters since 5 of our players weren't there. Next weekend is state so if anyone wants to come and see me and a whole bunch of girls in swimsuits let me know ha ha.
As far as this family of mine goes here at home, we aren't doing so well but what's new? My step mom has this temper where no one can even talk to her and she's kind of being like that right now, not so much towards me since I haven't really been home for her to be angry with, but more of my sister and dad. My dad came up to me the other day and said, "If you have any problems or issues, just talk to me because Heather can't emotionally take it. And if I catch you with anything I won't tell her because of the same reason. Just think of her as someone that lives in this house." I was surprised for him to tell me that because usually my dad isn't someone that keeps things from people, I mean especially his wife, but I'm not complaining because that means less punishment for me! Plus the fact that I'm going to be 18 in like a week will bring up the fact that I'm an adult now and I don't need to be punished like a child anymore. I went to a family counselor last Thursday and talked to her about all my problems with my step mom and dad. I guess it's always nice to talk to someone about your issues, especially if they're professional.
ANYWHO, I'm kind of sad that I'm not going to prom next weekend. I mean I guess I could have done something about it, like asked someone, but they probably would have been from a different school and I wouldn't know what group to go in so whatever. Prom is over-rated anyway. Plus I have state for water polo that weekend and I'll probably celebrate my birthday too that weekend since it's on the Monday after. AHH I'm not talking about this anymore...
OMG... I have so much homework it's insane. I never have the energy or the will to do it anymore though because I know this whole highschool thing is about to be over in 3 weeks. THREE WEEKS! Holy crap, that is coming fast ... I'm excited for WSU though. I know a lot of people going there and I'm just mentally ready to leave highschool. I just haven't enjoyed it as much my senior year as I probably have in my earlier years of highschool. I know I'm about to have a kick ass summer though with the beach lifeguarding, no school, more freedom, maybe a little travel, and just kickin it with everyone. AHH I can't wait for this to be over. Then again, I don't know how it's going to be like without highschool anymore... I'm hoping much better.
Oh jeez, I have a fuckin headache, and I'm SO SORE from playing all the polo games I played this weekend... I just need to relax. AHH but I can't because I have so much other shit to do. Like Walter's gay ass book report ... shit I haven't even turned in what book I'm reading to her! 3 weeks... 3 more weeks...
Well, I'm off to do some shit I probably not wanting to do so talk to you other cats later.
~BB
Sunday, May 09, 2004
Wow, what a weekend. After everything that I've gone through, I just need to learn from it and move on. I'm not going to smoke anymore for the time being. All it does it just fuck me up and get me in trouble, especially during my water polo season. As far as drinking goes, it's been a big issue in my family knowing that my mom was an alcoholic and died from it. I don't want to end up like that so I just need to be more aware of what I'm doing and if it's smart. I'm not saying that I'm not going to drink anymore, I just need to have my limits.
It's kind of been bothering me how people come up to me or IM me asking why I'm not acting sad about my mom passing away. I am deeply hurt by what has happened and changed in my life, but I'm not about to isolate myself from everyone and cry until I can't anymore. I'm not that kind of person to let life pass me by while I just sit around. Don't get me wrong though, I let myself out at the service as I saw all of the people that were there for her and supported me and my family. It was tough to get through because I was so emotionally effected, along with many others that were there. Her life just passed by way too fast. I've had to cope with what has happened knowing that it was out of my hands. It was weird though that I coincidentally talked to my mom the night before she died... I didn't talk to her since winter break before that last conversation. I love my mom very much and dedicate this day to her as it is Mother Day. I'm missing her a lot right now.
Oh man, I haven't done any homework this past week, but to be honest it really hasn't really crossed my mind or had a big importance to me. I just know that I'm out of shape for water polo. I haven't been to practice since Monday. Tomorrow will be interesting when I go. Hope you all had a Happy Mother's Day, which I hope you all took the time to acknowledge and perhaps celebrate. G'night all...
~BB
It's kind of been bothering me how people come up to me or IM me asking why I'm not acting sad about my mom passing away. I am deeply hurt by what has happened and changed in my life, but I'm not about to isolate myself from everyone and cry until I can't anymore. I'm not that kind of person to let life pass me by while I just sit around. Don't get me wrong though, I let myself out at the service as I saw all of the people that were there for her and supported me and my family. It was tough to get through because I was so emotionally effected, along with many others that were there. Her life just passed by way too fast. I've had to cope with what has happened knowing that it was out of my hands. It was weird though that I coincidentally talked to my mom the night before she died... I didn't talk to her since winter break before that last conversation. I love my mom very much and dedicate this day to her as it is Mother Day. I'm missing her a lot right now.
Oh man, I haven't done any homework this past week, but to be honest it really hasn't really crossed my mind or had a big importance to me. I just know that I'm out of shape for water polo. I haven't been to practice since Monday. Tomorrow will be interesting when I go. Hope you all had a Happy Mother's Day, which I hope you all took the time to acknowledge and perhaps celebrate. G'night all...
~BB
Wow, what a weekend. After everything that I've gone through, I just need to learn from it and move on. I'm not going to smoke anymore for the time being. All it does it just fuck me up and get me in trouble, especially during my water polo season. As far as drinking goes, it's been a big issue in my family knowing that my mom was an alcoholic and died from it. I don't want to end up like that so I just need to be more aware of what I'm doing and if it's smart. I'm not saying that I'm not going to drink anymore, I just need to have my limits.
It's kind of been bothering me how people come up to me or IM me asking why I'm not acting sad about my mom passing away. I am deeply hurt by what has happened and changed in my life, but I'm not about to isolate myself from everyone and cry until I can't anymore. I'm not that kind of person to let life pass me by while I just sit around. Don't get me wrong though, I let myself out at the service as I saw all of the people that were there for her and supported me and my family. It was tough to get through because I was so emotionally effected, along with many others that were there. Her life just passed by way too fast. I've had to cope with what has happened knowing that it was out of my hands. It was weird though that I coincidentally talked to my mom the night before she died... I didn't talk to her since winter break before that last conversation. I love my mom very much and dedicate this day to her as it is Mother Day. I'm missing her a lot right now.
Oh man, I haven't done any homework this past week, but to be honest it really hasn't really crossed my mind or had a big importance to me. I just know that I'm out of shape for water polo. I haven't been to practice since Monday. Tomorrow will be interesting when I go. Hope you all had a Happy Mother's Day, which I hope you all took the time to acknowledge and perhaps celebrate. G'night all...
~BB
It's kind of been bothering me how people come up to me or IM me asking why I'm not acting sad about my mom passing away. I am deeply hurt by what has happened and changed in my life, but I'm not about to isolate myself from everyone and cry until I can't anymore. I'm not that kind of person to let life pass me by while I just sit around. Don't get me wrong though, I let myself out at the service as I saw all of the people that were there for her and supported me and my family. It was tough to get through because I was so emotionally effected, along with many others that were there. Her life just passed by way too fast. I've had to cope with what has happened knowing that it was out of my hands. It was weird though that I coincidentally talked to my mom the night before she died... I didn't talk to her since winter break before that last conversation. I love my mom very much and dedicate this day to her as it is Mother Day. I'm missing her a lot right now.
Oh man, I haven't done any homework this past week, but to be honest it really hasn't really crossed my mind or had a big importance to me. I just know that I'm out of shape for water polo. I haven't been to practice since Monday. Tomorrow will be interesting when I go. Hope you all had a Happy Mother's Day, which I hope you all took the time to acknowledge and perhaps celebrate. G'night all...
~BB
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Oh man... Where to begin....
This week has been tough to get through and it will effect the rest of my life. Last Monday was a normal day for me. I went to school, came home and got ready for water polo practice. Before I could though, my dad comes running in the house all shook up. He starts to cry and was at a loss for words. My first thought was that my grandma had died. She has been going through very rough times lately and I'm so proud she's made it through for this long. So I ask him, "Is it grandma?" He shakes his head and quickly he replies, "It's your mom girls, I'm so sorry." At first, I didn't know what to say since it came at such a surprise. I really thought my mother was getting back on track and she still had many years ahead of her. She was so young, but her decisions that she made shortened her life more than anyone knew, even herself. I started crying because that was the only thing I could do or feel. I didn't see it coming at all though. I talked to my mom the night before. She was very loving and was anxious to see me for my graduation. It just didn't make sense to me. The rest of the week went by with more ease. This past year and a half, my mom has barely been in my life because I've tried to stay ignorant and away from the person she had become and I grew to not like. I still loved her very much, and looking back, I wish I had more opportunities to spend time with her or at least talk to her. Instead, I know she was hurting since she couldn't see her daughters every day like she used to. I know that she's not hurting anymore though now that she's in a better place, it's just me that's hurting now.
Thursday morning, my sister, dad and I flew down to Minnesota to be there for my mom's funeral. It was nice seeing everyone and being in my home town after so long. The next day, Friday, was the service for my mom. During the day, we gathered pictures of her and put it together in two big displays so people could remember her. It was a nice day spending it with my family and of course the greatest friend in the world, Christine. I know she had lost her mom too about a two years ago, and I was there for her so it was nice that she was there for me, along with my other great friends who came to the service: Casey, Becky, Liz, Jimmy, Care (Claire ha ha), and Carples. Thank you so much for your support, and of course to everyone else! It's nice to have people here in Washington that are here for me as well. I really appreciate your care and understanding. I just hope the teachers at school will too...
Well, I'm about to get my long hair cut and hopefully it turns out alright! More to say later...
~BB
This week has been tough to get through and it will effect the rest of my life. Last Monday was a normal day for me. I went to school, came home and got ready for water polo practice. Before I could though, my dad comes running in the house all shook up. He starts to cry and was at a loss for words. My first thought was that my grandma had died. She has been going through very rough times lately and I'm so proud she's made it through for this long. So I ask him, "Is it grandma?" He shakes his head and quickly he replies, "It's your mom girls, I'm so sorry." At first, I didn't know what to say since it came at such a surprise. I really thought my mother was getting back on track and she still had many years ahead of her. She was so young, but her decisions that she made shortened her life more than anyone knew, even herself. I started crying because that was the only thing I could do or feel. I didn't see it coming at all though. I talked to my mom the night before. She was very loving and was anxious to see me for my graduation. It just didn't make sense to me. The rest of the week went by with more ease. This past year and a half, my mom has barely been in my life because I've tried to stay ignorant and away from the person she had become and I grew to not like. I still loved her very much, and looking back, I wish I had more opportunities to spend time with her or at least talk to her. Instead, I know she was hurting since she couldn't see her daughters every day like she used to. I know that she's not hurting anymore though now that she's in a better place, it's just me that's hurting now.
Thursday morning, my sister, dad and I flew down to Minnesota to be there for my mom's funeral. It was nice seeing everyone and being in my home town after so long. The next day, Friday, was the service for my mom. During the day, we gathered pictures of her and put it together in two big displays so people could remember her. It was a nice day spending it with my family and of course the greatest friend in the world, Christine. I know she had lost her mom too about a two years ago, and I was there for her so it was nice that she was there for me, along with my other great friends who came to the service: Casey, Becky, Liz, Jimmy, Care (Claire ha ha), and Carples. Thank you so much for your support, and of course to everyone else! It's nice to have people here in Washington that are here for me as well. I really appreciate your care and understanding. I just hope the teachers at school will too...
Well, I'm about to get my long hair cut and hopefully it turns out alright! More to say later...
~BB
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Alright well things just haven't been going my way lately.... at all. First of all, I got caught on Monday for smoking from my step mom. She was appalled to even think that I did that kind of stuff... oops. I know it may mean nothing now, but I really have to stop smoking that stuff... except for on special occasions.
Anyway, I guess that incident brought on her fierce words that she spit on me tonight. After having a calm conversation about where I'm at as far as school goes and making the right decisions, I go downstairs and keep my peace. However, my sister brings the drama as my parents get more upset. My step mom comes downstairs and starts off by saying to me, "you know what? I have a great idea. Why don't you and your sister both just move out and live with your step dad. That will make everything better ... but since you won't do that anyway, I'm leaving." She goes on by saying that this past year has been hell for her and she thinks I might have a mental problem because I drink and sometimes smoke. Oh and I lied to her, well didn't tell her the whole truth one night and she uses it against me. She even told me that she's not paying for any of my college so I mind as well go to BCC. I mean I might have considered that if I didn't go through the whole college application process! Then she goes on by saying, "And I've tried my best being a mother and giving you clothes, but you just disrespect me anyway...." blah blah... Not ONCE have I done a mother-daughter type of thing with her, unless you count visiting WWU. But it's been almost a year and a half and I've had a relationship with her where she just enforces her rules and I end up getting more of her yelling and bitching at me. I've tried to play her game, but I can see that she tries to control me, my sister, even my dad WAY too much. I've heard too many nasty words from her to be able to love her anymore. I don't feel anything from her right now except for her bringing my life down and miserable. I wish I could say something nice about her but she really doesn't deserve it, she isn't even my mother to begin with.
Then my dad... poor thing I truly care for him because I know that he really just wants to make things work out. He gets frustrated at me sometimes over simple things like rolling my eyes or having an "attitude," but he's always sympathetic when I need him most. After I told my dad that my step mom caught me coming home high, he just started laughing and took the situation lightly. Now, I can see he took some of Heather's words in and is coming down on it. But, besides all of that, he gives me rides whenever I need them almost every time, he supplies me with money and a cell phone. He's always wanting to go to a movie with me so I know that he's trying to be the real parent. That's why I respect him and love him.
Ahhh ... My life just feels like a wreck right now. I am so lost on what exactly I'm going to do in a few months. It just feels like I need to do so many things and then I get the stress from my parents, as well as school and water polo. I have to complete and turn in the rest of my community service hours, I need to get a job soon and start making my own money, I have AP tests coming up next week, along with school that's kickin my ass right now. I just feel lost and a bit unloved right now. My sister is pissed at me for some stupid reason and my step mom hates me right now so I guess I've just gotten piled up with all this shit and I need to start emptying it all out.
The only thing that's really been helping me get through a lot of this shit is water polo. I'm beginning to love this sport and become a really good player. I guess it's sort of therapeutic for me because I'm able to let my frustration and anger out and learn how to deal with it by swimming and staying in shape. We just had a game today, and my cute swim coach broke his watch because he was so excited from the shot I made in the goal. I was pretty happy about that. I guess water polo just helps me forget about all my worries and things that have been bringing me down to be a better player in the pool.
I guess writing in here helps me out a lot too. So does sleeping....... better get my sleep in for the night.
~BB
Anyway, I guess that incident brought on her fierce words that she spit on me tonight. After having a calm conversation about where I'm at as far as school goes and making the right decisions, I go downstairs and keep my peace. However, my sister brings the drama as my parents get more upset. My step mom comes downstairs and starts off by saying to me, "you know what? I have a great idea. Why don't you and your sister both just move out and live with your step dad. That will make everything better ... but since you won't do that anyway, I'm leaving." She goes on by saying that this past year has been hell for her and she thinks I might have a mental problem because I drink and sometimes smoke. Oh and I lied to her, well didn't tell her the whole truth one night and she uses it against me. She even told me that she's not paying for any of my college so I mind as well go to BCC. I mean I might have considered that if I didn't go through the whole college application process! Then she goes on by saying, "And I've tried my best being a mother and giving you clothes, but you just disrespect me anyway...." blah blah... Not ONCE have I done a mother-daughter type of thing with her, unless you count visiting WWU. But it's been almost a year and a half and I've had a relationship with her where she just enforces her rules and I end up getting more of her yelling and bitching at me. I've tried to play her game, but I can see that she tries to control me, my sister, even my dad WAY too much. I've heard too many nasty words from her to be able to love her anymore. I don't feel anything from her right now except for her bringing my life down and miserable. I wish I could say something nice about her but she really doesn't deserve it, she isn't even my mother to begin with.
Then my dad... poor thing I truly care for him because I know that he really just wants to make things work out. He gets frustrated at me sometimes over simple things like rolling my eyes or having an "attitude," but he's always sympathetic when I need him most. After I told my dad that my step mom caught me coming home high, he just started laughing and took the situation lightly. Now, I can see he took some of Heather's words in and is coming down on it. But, besides all of that, he gives me rides whenever I need them almost every time, he supplies me with money and a cell phone. He's always wanting to go to a movie with me so I know that he's trying to be the real parent. That's why I respect him and love him.
Ahhh ... My life just feels like a wreck right now. I am so lost on what exactly I'm going to do in a few months. It just feels like I need to do so many things and then I get the stress from my parents, as well as school and water polo. I have to complete and turn in the rest of my community service hours, I need to get a job soon and start making my own money, I have AP tests coming up next week, along with school that's kickin my ass right now. I just feel lost and a bit unloved right now. My sister is pissed at me for some stupid reason and my step mom hates me right now so I guess I've just gotten piled up with all this shit and I need to start emptying it all out.
The only thing that's really been helping me get through a lot of this shit is water polo. I'm beginning to love this sport and become a really good player. I guess it's sort of therapeutic for me because I'm able to let my frustration and anger out and learn how to deal with it by swimming and staying in shape. We just had a game today, and my cute swim coach broke his watch because he was so excited from the shot I made in the goal. I was pretty happy about that. I guess water polo just helps me forget about all my worries and things that have been bringing me down to be a better player in the pool.
I guess writing in here helps me out a lot too. So does sleeping....... better get my sleep in for the night.
~BB
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Ahhh this weekend was insane. After a brutal and exciting game on friday night for water polo, I cleaned up and kicked it with homies on the kirkland strip. That night I got piss drunk and I was passed out until 7:30 the next morning! I just crept in the house and walked quietly to my bedroom where I could change and pretend like I was sleeping in my bed the whole night. An hour later I have to go to a fundraiser for polo. funnn... I didn't feel quite to good from the night before and I was pulling weeds early the next morning... not so cool. Anyway, After all that fun stuff, I get ready and kick it with a few peeps and get blazed before the night starts. Later, I go to this party in redmond. The kid having it was hella weird but the house was chill. I was having an awesome time until a fight broke out between two people I'm chill with. grrr but then after that deal of running around after leaving the house in redmond, some of us go kick it at slim's house. Didn't come home until about 5:30 the next morning.
So, I thought I would have to have told my step mom where I was going and when I was coming home, but I didn't neither nights, and came home at an incredibly late time. She seemed pretty nice about it too. No questions, no guilt, no worries I guess. Wow I like my dad being gone sometimes because I'm getting a whole lot of freedom. When I'm 18 in less than a month I hope it will get better though.
Today, I woke up late since I went to bed late. I cleaned up, and then went out for the rest of the day to go kick it at clyde beach for a little bit and then dollar's house for a little as well. Once again, it's another weekend of not even touching my backpack.
Back to that game on friday. My coach said that this last water polo game we had on friday was one of the most entertaining games he's seen. The game went into double-overtime and they ended up winning. I know, tragic. We should have definitely won this game though. I know this because we didn't follow through with some of the shots we made when we should have. I wanted it so badly though that night. The coach was like, "Watch for mikaela, she seems to be the one with the most energy tonight." Maybe the smoke session unlfluenced me alittle, but I was really in the zone to the point where I'm was going to give my complete all in order to win this game. It's a shame we didn't win, but I know we will soon be a very strong team and will be able to beat them at state no doubt.
Alright well I guess I should maybe see what homework I should cram to do in between classes tomorrow since I forgot completely about what I have to do for h dub with this crazy weekend ... alright have a great night to start the week off good!
~BB
So, I thought I would have to have told my step mom where I was going and when I was coming home, but I didn't neither nights, and came home at an incredibly late time. She seemed pretty nice about it too. No questions, no guilt, no worries I guess. Wow I like my dad being gone sometimes because I'm getting a whole lot of freedom. When I'm 18 in less than a month I hope it will get better though.
Today, I woke up late since I went to bed late. I cleaned up, and then went out for the rest of the day to go kick it at clyde beach for a little bit and then dollar's house for a little as well. Once again, it's another weekend of not even touching my backpack.
Back to that game on friday. My coach said that this last water polo game we had on friday was one of the most entertaining games he's seen. The game went into double-overtime and they ended up winning. I know, tragic. We should have definitely won this game though. I know this because we didn't follow through with some of the shots we made when we should have. I wanted it so badly though that night. The coach was like, "Watch for mikaela, she seems to be the one with the most energy tonight." Maybe the smoke session unlfluenced me alittle, but I was really in the zone to the point where I'm was going to give my complete all in order to win this game. It's a shame we didn't win, but I know we will soon be a very strong team and will be able to beat them at state no doubt.
Alright well I guess I should maybe see what homework I should cram to do in between classes tomorrow since I forgot completely about what I have to do for h dub with this crazy weekend ... alright have a great night to start the week off good!
~BB
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Alright ... So when I think the whole situation with my sister and the threatening and Tyler thing was over ... Apparently she still has grudges over me as some of you have read her profile. It really hurt me to see that because through this whole thing, I've been trying to stick up for my little sister and put people straight if they believed a rumor about her. She doesn't recognize this though and basically just thinks that I'm saying shit about her. I just don't understand how she can get so hateful towards me and I'm just trying to back her up. It's sad too because I've lived with her all her life and it's about to end in less than 5 months. I guess there's nothing I can really do about it at this point. All I know is that I'll always have a heart for my sister. She's just immature and naive at this age to the point where she doesn't give a shit about someone of her own blood. What she said in her profile hit me hard so I'm just trying to avoid her right now. I can't talk to her when she's trying to hurt me and use me. Not anymore though... Maybe I'm just trippin about something little, but it's hard when I see her every day.
Anyway, 4/20... Good times had my fun... I actually missed my practice to go chief! And I lied to my parents saying that I was going to practice... risky deal but it seemed to have worked. I felt not at ease though when my coach asked me if I had that day didn't have anything to do with not being at practice and I said "no" ... I hate the person I'm turning into. I don't know it's just not me to lie and cheat to be able to do what I wanted. I mean I could WHATEVER I wanted to in MN without the guilt but it's really taken it's turn here.
AHH and I feel like there is this gap in my life too. I was talking to one of my good friends and she has been going through rough times lately and was like "If my boyfriend wasn't there for me through everything, I don't think I would have made it." I don't have that, haven't ever really had that, but I know I have good friends to talk to and help get me through rough times... I guess it's just hard when I can't relate to someone. All I know is that, I'm waiting for that person to step up to the plate and take a swing and shoot for home... lol I'm such a nerd... I didn't know how to put it any other way, but you get my jiff.
Today was a joke basically for going to school. As most of you already know, but for some of you who don't, this week is messed up since 9th and 10th graders take test in the AM and I get to sleep in! So today I went to school at 10:40, went to photo and then signed out for the rest of the day to take my dad to the airport, which he will be staying in NY with my brother for the weekend to Monday. It's nice not having two heads controlling the house, but I still have my step mom on my back. She's easier as a parent though because she's naive and doesn't check up on me as much. So I guess I have it easier. After school, I made cookies for my polo team before the game against Newport. We lost but should have won. I think a lot of us were more focused on the players we were guarding because their team is really aggressive and can be sneaky and pull bitch moves at some points so I guess it was just hard to focus on the game itself. Plus the fact that the sun was glaring at the pool and it came to be hard to see. But we have a game tomorrow though at 7:45... pretty late, but I guess this game will determine if we go to state or not. If we lose, we will HAVE to spend a weekend trying to qualify for state by competing with other teams. So tomorrow will be a big day, but we still have a chance if we lose.
Well, I guess I better go pick my darling sister up from her practice... What a joy...
Feeling: alone... lonely... empty... overworked... mixed in with soreness ha ha
Have a good night everyone
~BB
Anyway, 4/20... Good times had my fun... I actually missed my practice to go chief! And I lied to my parents saying that I was going to practice... risky deal but it seemed to have worked. I felt not at ease though when my coach asked me if I had that day didn't have anything to do with not being at practice and I said "no" ... I hate the person I'm turning into. I don't know it's just not me to lie and cheat to be able to do what I wanted. I mean I could WHATEVER I wanted to in MN without the guilt but it's really taken it's turn here.
AHH and I feel like there is this gap in my life too. I was talking to one of my good friends and she has been going through rough times lately and was like "If my boyfriend wasn't there for me through everything, I don't think I would have made it." I don't have that, haven't ever really had that, but I know I have good friends to talk to and help get me through rough times... I guess it's just hard when I can't relate to someone. All I know is that, I'm waiting for that person to step up to the plate and take a swing and shoot for home... lol I'm such a nerd... I didn't know how to put it any other way, but you get my jiff.
Today was a joke basically for going to school. As most of you already know, but for some of you who don't, this week is messed up since 9th and 10th graders take test in the AM and I get to sleep in! So today I went to school at 10:40, went to photo and then signed out for the rest of the day to take my dad to the airport, which he will be staying in NY with my brother for the weekend to Monday. It's nice not having two heads controlling the house, but I still have my step mom on my back. She's easier as a parent though because she's naive and doesn't check up on me as much. So I guess I have it easier. After school, I made cookies for my polo team before the game against Newport. We lost but should have won. I think a lot of us were more focused on the players we were guarding because their team is really aggressive and can be sneaky and pull bitch moves at some points so I guess it was just hard to focus on the game itself. Plus the fact that the sun was glaring at the pool and it came to be hard to see. But we have a game tomorrow though at 7:45... pretty late, but I guess this game will determine if we go to state or not. If we lose, we will HAVE to spend a weekend trying to qualify for state by competing with other teams. So tomorrow will be a big day, but we still have a chance if we lose.
Well, I guess I better go pick my darling sister up from her practice... What a joy...
Feeling: alone... lonely... empty... overworked... mixed in with soreness ha ha
Have a good night everyone
~BB
Monday, April 19, 2004
Oh wow... Like I said on Thursday... Spring break just FLEW by. It's felt like I've been through a weekend but I've actually been through a week and 2 weekends. Shit ... It's been fun though. It's just hard because I sort of have this crush and it's always hard for me to get through it. This one just seems especially hard when it's just hard talking to the person because I know I like them and I think they know that too. I just don't know if they feel the same way so I'm not really doing anything about how I feel at this point. Basically, I just wait and see if they're noticeably attracted to me so I can decide at that point whether I like them or not. But just starting from the bottom and not knowing where it's going to go is just not my specialty I guess and it fuckin suckkks. But I guess if he isn't attracted to me or just doesn't like me then I just don't see the point in trying. I need SOMETHING to work with here!
Shit... I can't think about it too much or I'll just get sad knowing that I can't even approach him. ha ha it feels like I haven't done anything that I said I was going to do over break. Save a seat at WSU and get residency, get the rest of my community service, getting a job, get laid... yep none of that. It was like I woke up, ate, went out, came home late and ate, and slept and then did it all the next day. No time in this fucking world anymore... oh man though I'm just waiting for this summer where I don't have to worry about SHIT! Senior year has been coming on so hard though. I'm just trying to let it pass by without worry but I just end up having angry parents on my back and grades slipping so it makes me feel worse. I just need to start getting my shit together and do what I am supposed to do, which isn't exactly what I want to do. Wooow I've never really was like this with school until my senior year because back then I didn't do half the stuff I do now but I just felt TOO guilty if I didn't get what I was supposed to get done. These days I still feel guilty but I kick it with people a lot more so I just set my guilt aside until it starts building up like it is right now, that's when parents start nagging and grades start slipping. Damn I hope this is making sense. This is just where I am at right now. Last quarter of senior year... man this will be the truth coming up of what I HAVE to do.
Man I'm tired and out of words to say so see you all tomorrow when we're back in reality.... SCHOOL!
~BB
Shit... I can't think about it too much or I'll just get sad knowing that I can't even approach him. ha ha it feels like I haven't done anything that I said I was going to do over break. Save a seat at WSU and get residency, get the rest of my community service, getting a job, get laid... yep none of that. It was like I woke up, ate, went out, came home late and ate, and slept and then did it all the next day. No time in this fucking world anymore... oh man though I'm just waiting for this summer where I don't have to worry about SHIT! Senior year has been coming on so hard though. I'm just trying to let it pass by without worry but I just end up having angry parents on my back and grades slipping so it makes me feel worse. I just need to start getting my shit together and do what I am supposed to do, which isn't exactly what I want to do. Wooow I've never really was like this with school until my senior year because back then I didn't do half the stuff I do now but I just felt TOO guilty if I didn't get what I was supposed to get done. These days I still feel guilty but I kick it with people a lot more so I just set my guilt aside until it starts building up like it is right now, that's when parents start nagging and grades start slipping. Damn I hope this is making sense. This is just where I am at right now. Last quarter of senior year... man this will be the truth coming up of what I HAVE to do.
Man I'm tired and out of words to say so see you all tomorrow when we're back in reality.... SCHOOL!
~BB
Thursday, April 15, 2004
ohhh man this whole spring break has been going by sooo fast! It's Thursday already and it feels like I just got on break. But it's been a lot of fun just kickin it every day and night and getting tipsy... oh man what a rush though. Last night was some filthy shit.. People planning how to ditch people going to this party because there was SO many people there already. I got there and had my share of fun then the cops showed up. Most of the people bounced even though nothing really happened, like the cop just said to keep it down and kick people out so it was all chill. I didn't get home until HELLA late ... My dad wanted me home at like 12 but I didn't actually show up until 3 ... It was chill though because I didn't get in any trouble... I don't think he knew what time I came back.. Which is definitely good. I guess I'm just slick like that in sneaking in and out of my house... Not to mention that it's too easy to pass up.
My break has been even better not having my step mom around. It's been hard to talk or just spend time with her. After she blew up at me and said some pretty heavy words, she may have not meant to be so mean but it really got to me. I just don't like being disrespected so badly from someone of the family. So I've just been neutral with her and let my dad do more of the parenting. I mean it is my fault for lying to them, but the only reason I did was because they don't agree with the things I do and lying seems to be the only way out. I know if I have to lie to someone we're not on the best relationship but at this point with my step mom, I really don't care that much unless she started healing the scars she made. I've been trying to be more honest though, but I still have to lie to them. Well I just say that I'm not about to be locked up in this house for telling my parents the truth about my life so I'm just living it day by day, being extra careful with them. I gotta have fun though right? shit live life to the fullest....
Alright well I guess I should be getting ready to leave this house because I don't like staying in it too long when I could be having more fun. Basically I just want to be able to have this house as a shelter for sleeping and eating ... The basics... I don't ask for muuch...
Have a great Thursday everyone... I know I'm gonna because it's SPRING BREAK!
~BB
My break has been even better not having my step mom around. It's been hard to talk or just spend time with her. After she blew up at me and said some pretty heavy words, she may have not meant to be so mean but it really got to me. I just don't like being disrespected so badly from someone of the family. So I've just been neutral with her and let my dad do more of the parenting. I mean it is my fault for lying to them, but the only reason I did was because they don't agree with the things I do and lying seems to be the only way out. I know if I have to lie to someone we're not on the best relationship but at this point with my step mom, I really don't care that much unless she started healing the scars she made. I've been trying to be more honest though, but I still have to lie to them. Well I just say that I'm not about to be locked up in this house for telling my parents the truth about my life so I'm just living it day by day, being extra careful with them. I gotta have fun though right? shit live life to the fullest....
Alright well I guess I should be getting ready to leave this house because I don't like staying in it too long when I could be having more fun. Basically I just want to be able to have this house as a shelter for sleeping and eating ... The basics... I don't ask for muuch...
Have a great Thursday everyone... I know I'm gonna because it's SPRING BREAK!
~BB
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
This Wednesday, hump day, hasn't been too bad for me. First of all, my parents and I, EVEN MY SISTER, are getting along pretty well which is very hard for me to come by these days, especially all at once so this has been a thrill for me to get through every day, well at least today.
School was good. Not really any homework and it was an early release today so that was chill for sure. Except for Walters because she has this thing with giving homework EVERY fuckin day... whatever though I BS that shit all the time. Oh! I almost forgot that I got out of going to Walter's today because I was saved by a WSU rep that was at our school and wanted to talk to potentially future WSU students! Yep, I'm going there ... I just don't see myself going to western and plus I want to be in a sorority so it works out. Plus WSU has a kick ass pool and that's always good considering that the pool has been my second home these days.
I had a Water polo game today and we definitely kicked some major ass. And I even scored our team 3 points which was definitely invigorating and made meh feel all good ha ha.
After all that good stuff, I had some time to go shopping and got alot of new stuff. Now, I know it might not be the same for you boys but getting new clothes for us girls made me feel even better today. So I guess God decided to give me a break today from all the stress and drama. We'll see how it goes tomorrow...
DAMN... My dad is kickin off my internet access... well it's ok my night is still good! Hope you all had a GREAT HUMP DAY!
OH! Almost forgot... mdub23balla: lol gimme a shout out in thurr
miki birdy 04: ha ha aiight fasho .... So there ya go Marcus! You're hella chill.. we should kick it sometime ;) (if that's alright with my sister ha ha! jk)
~BB
School was good. Not really any homework and it was an early release today so that was chill for sure. Except for Walters because she has this thing with giving homework EVERY fuckin day... whatever though I BS that shit all the time. Oh! I almost forgot that I got out of going to Walter's today because I was saved by a WSU rep that was at our school and wanted to talk to potentially future WSU students! Yep, I'm going there ... I just don't see myself going to western and plus I want to be in a sorority so it works out. Plus WSU has a kick ass pool and that's always good considering that the pool has been my second home these days.
I had a Water polo game today and we definitely kicked some major ass. And I even scored our team 3 points which was definitely invigorating and made meh feel all good ha ha.
After all that good stuff, I had some time to go shopping and got alot of new stuff. Now, I know it might not be the same for you boys but getting new clothes for us girls made me feel even better today. So I guess God decided to give me a break today from all the stress and drama. We'll see how it goes tomorrow...
DAMN... My dad is kickin off my internet access... well it's ok my night is still good! Hope you all had a GREAT HUMP DAY!
OH! Almost forgot... mdub23balla: lol gimme a shout out in thurr
miki birdy 04: ha ha aiight fasho .... So there ya go Marcus! You're hella chill.. we should kick it sometime ;) (if that's alright with my sister ha ha! jk)
~BB
Sunday, April 04, 2004
So I've definitely had a better weekend for once! I mean after my parents finding out that I lied to them and kept me locked up in this house for 2 weeks (well... not saying that I snuck out a little), I really was sincere about things getting better for me and them in the future. My dad was like, "so do you think she's still grounded or semi-grounded?" and my step mom was like "well I think she knows now that she learned her lesson and can make the right decisions so I would let her decide on that." What my step mom said made me feel like I actually did have some control over my life and that definitely made my weekend complete. So did I learn my lesson? Well, considering that I snuck out on Saturday night and I lied to my parents that I went shopping when really I drank it up and kicked it, I really do think I've learned my lesson... BE MORE CAREFUL! I just really don't want to have it bad with my parents right now so I'm just trying to be good for them so telling them the truth wouldn't be the best I don't think.
AHHH! I MOST DEFINITELY want to give a shout out to my girl, CHRISTINE, back in MN though because it's her 18 BIRTHDAY! woot woot... that means only a month and 20 days fo meh. Damn I cannot wait... But I love you stine you're mah girl.
As for college, I'm pretty much set to WSU... I'm pretty excited about that fasho... I'll be seeing a lot of familiar faces there so that'll be tight for sure.
Anywho... I NEED to get a fuckin JOB and make some money because I hate depending on these parents of mine and I just want to have it. It's a good feeling and I miss it... So if any of you fellow readers have anything in mind for jobs contact me.
Well I better get going on my homework... Even though I'm not going to get that far since its like what... 11pm already! Daylight savings time changes suck...
~BB
AHHH! I MOST DEFINITELY want to give a shout out to my girl, CHRISTINE, back in MN though because it's her 18 BIRTHDAY! woot woot... that means only a month and 20 days fo meh. Damn I cannot wait... But I love you stine you're mah girl.
As for college, I'm pretty much set to WSU... I'm pretty excited about that fasho... I'll be seeing a lot of familiar faces there so that'll be tight for sure.
Anywho... I NEED to get a fuckin JOB and make some money because I hate depending on these parents of mine and I just want to have it. It's a good feeling and I miss it... So if any of you fellow readers have anything in mind for jobs contact me.
Well I better get going on my homework... Even though I'm not going to get that far since its like what... 11pm already! Daylight savings time changes suck...
~BB
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Alright so apparently I'm STILL grounded because I haven't talked to my step mom about lying. grr I've wanted to talk to her but I'm always to worn out after practice and she doesn't usually get home until 8 or 9 anyway and when she is home she's on the phone or falls asleep early. SO really I just haven't had the opportunity to talk to her. Plus I guess I'm kind of intimidated to talk to her but I know she doesn't want to talk to me or have anything to do with me until I do talk to her about me lying. Whatever though, I don't think my parents would let me out anyway because I have so many restrictions I have to abide by. I feel like my life is so controlled right now that I can't even make ANY of my own decisions these days. I've been thinking alot about just leaving and seeing what happens. I know I'm under 18, so if the police were involved I would be busted but once I turn 18 in may, how can they stop me then? If I just leave, it's not like they can be like "you're grounded" because there is no legal issues in the way anymore and they really don't have custody of me. The only thing I would feel bad about is that they are my home and that's the house I come back to that they provide me with. What I really want to do is rent an apartment for the summer with other people and not have to worry, but I wouldn't know who to ask and the money issue always seems to be a problem. That's another thing I don't like, depending on my parents for money and driving their car. I hate having that because I know they can always use that against me. I've decided to try and get a job as soon as I possible can so I can start gaining some currency in my name, not theirs.
AHH... it seems like I want to do soo much this summer but in order to do it I have to make some money. Like I want to go to Minnesota for at least two weeks, I really want to visit my good friend, sonia, in cali because I haven't seen that girl in so long and I've known her the longest out of all of my friendships (3rd grade baby!), I want to go to Oregon alot and visit my family there, oh and New York because my brother really wants me to see him. Dang, I really need to start saving money...
I just don't want to be here for the summer. I've been here long enough to where my parents can't stand me and think they can lock me up from everyone. I'm so sick of it and they need to know that I am going to have the same situations to deal with in college. They can't prevent it now when I'm about to be 18 and how of this hell hole. I just wish they could let me go and trust me on making the right decisions.
Whatever... right now I'm just trying to get by and do as they say. All I can say is that I won't be able to put up with it for much longer...
~BB
AHH... it seems like I want to do soo much this summer but in order to do it I have to make some money. Like I want to go to Minnesota for at least two weeks, I really want to visit my good friend, sonia, in cali because I haven't seen that girl in so long and I've known her the longest out of all of my friendships (3rd grade baby!), I want to go to Oregon alot and visit my family there, oh and New York because my brother really wants me to see him. Dang, I really need to start saving money...
I just don't want to be here for the summer. I've been here long enough to where my parents can't stand me and think they can lock me up from everyone. I'm so sick of it and they need to know that I am going to have the same situations to deal with in college. They can't prevent it now when I'm about to be 18 and how of this hell hole. I just wish they could let me go and trust me on making the right decisions.
Whatever... right now I'm just trying to get by and do as they say. All I can say is that I won't be able to put up with it for much longer...
~BB
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