I just don't know.
My mind at this point is completely messed up. One day, I'm in one direction - hating men and being all my single ladies' best friend. Then the next, I'm trapped in my own emotions and I want more. Some days, I wonder what my mother would do. Some days, I just lay over the mess and stop caring.
I'm lucky. I have my charm and goofiness, but also physical attraction. I never thought I would end up being this way. I can choose who I want to be with. I can choose how I want to live the rest of my life. But, how do I know it's right? How can I pour all my feelings in one person or even career for the rest of my life, when I know it could be better, more satisfying elsewhere. I've watched it all before my own eyes. I've experienced it. I'm afraid. I'm tainted and a little jaded. I want it but I want it the right way. Hence why I must play the field for my own damn good. My brother tells me that men will come and go in my life; they waste my time. Maybe he's right. But maybe, it's too late.
Summer is here. Times are getting more distracting. Burning man is becoming more of a priority and all I really want to do right now is work hard, make money so that by the end of the summer, I can live again. My dreams are those that don't require most of my awake life in front of a screen, working a nine to five. My dreams ache for something more... something that requires depth, growth, and exotic opportunities..
The time of my life is NOW.
