Nut-case

Love is so psychotic. It throws you in a spindle of emotions. It constantly exercises your brain. So much that I wonder if most of the people that are in love are also insane. You are consistently jumping through a cloud of emotions aching with pain in your chest one moment and then happy as a bee the next. It makes no sense and that is the mere beauty behind it. I think this is the kind of insanity I've been craving.

Four years ago, I remember writing something that became the aftermath of that very thought I am experiencing:

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it lets someone get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one person, no different from any other person, wanders into your independent life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you or invest time talking to you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. You start to lose touch with your every day friends and start to fixate your life around this person based off of a fairy tale idea. Love fogs the reality in your eyes and only lets you see a perfect couple illusion. Then one day you get robbed of all those ideas and reality comes crashing down on you. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'maybe we should take a break for a while' turns into a glass splinter working it's way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I wish humans had no feelings, then life would be so much easier to get by. I hate love."

I've learned my lesson and this only reminds me that I need to keep pinching myself and know that this is MY life and not his. Maybe one day, it can be ours together. I will not be stupid enough to let it happen again.

Then again, I am human.

Taken

Just two months ago I was sitting here, contemplating life and if I'll ever find someone that will truly make me happy.

Story of my life.

I finally thought just five weeks ago I wasn't meant to be with anyone. I was meant to be that strong, independent, free spirit everyone in my surrounding life has grown to be used to and maybe even love about me. I have a problem, or quality depending on the perspective, of being non-committal. I don't like feeling controlled, I guess. Any time I found myself in a sticky, too-comfortable situation, I'd find a way to flee out of it. Disappear. Make excuses. I just couldn't let anyone or anything pin me down. I'm still that way. Nothing has changed. Oh, but maybe one thing. One thing that completely altered my lifestyle and that twinkle in my eye. I fall in love just about every day with something. Could be a flower, or a bird, a musical beat, a person's written words, a story, a simple item of clothing. But one has stuck and consistently brought myself to believe that I have fallen in love love. Like the love that cannot be measured or valued. I am Mikaela Bird, and I am in love.

I'm scared.

m

Time stopped for him.

Where the hell does one go from here.

My brain has drifted into clouds, my toes and fingertips are often tingly, and I am closing my eyes and picturing something alittle bit different. A clear, midnight sky full of energetic frequencies that started to become more and more parallel. And then, as if the timing and position could not be more perfect, he appears. It was where I started and exactly where I needed to be in that moment. He was right in front of me. And as if we were thinking the same exact thought in that very moment, we walk closer, and realize, it's meant to be. My new life began.

The first touch came from my fingertips as I stared at him in the eyes. My hands lightly touching his arms, and then his face until I reached his lips. I knew then that he is undeniably real. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to fall but the feeling was too addicting. His presence became a drug to me at that moment. I sighed as I felt my heart beating faster; harder. I couldn't speak but I wanted to. I wanted to know I wasn't about to pour the core of my feelings into someone knowing it could very well be wasted on a thoughtless night of impulsive lust. He gazed into my eyes and stole my resisting thoughts like I was blindly hanging them right over him. I wanted to know everything about him. But that was irrelevant. That all came with time. The moment stood there, like time decided to take a break and then everything made sense. As if a symphony was about to play their first note, as if today was ending and tomorrow was no longer, I let myself fall right upon his lips that fit mine so well. We kissed. The night was ours. Our life began.

Cam.