There I goo...

Today has been a day where I've been pulled in all directions. I try to make everyone happy but theres just not enough time in a day to do that. Maybe I just have poor communication or maybe I tend to over-book my days, but with everyone backing out of their orginal plans these days who wouldnt? They all just seemed to be pretty accountable today damnit. I feel like shit now and I needed to express that thought. Now I must do something for myself by going to this meeting to supposedly make my life a breeze in the long run. Until then, I'm eating shit.

Everything else in my life thats been weighing me down is still in the process of changing but I'm still not quite there. I'm talking mainly about bills...

anyways, "I'm on a hurry to get things and I'm rushin, rushin till life's no funn. All I really gotta do is live and die and I'm in a hurry and don't know whyy" hahah

laterrr

SURRENDERED

The way you make me feel is hard to explain...
It feels so real. Its the realist fantasy I've lived.
But what if it isnt real?
What if I've become this character in this fantasy game your playing?
My love for you at this point has no control.
You have me hung like a puppet... reacting to every string you pull.
How did I let myself go this far?
No one has made this deep of a connection with me.
I gladly kept it that way my entire life.
Backed away from any emotional trap that could potentially hurt me.
They'd usually back off from my defenses and were never heard of again.
Then their comes you...
My defenses were strong. I saw the way you were.
You're envied and liked by many and I didn't want you to have my satisfaction.
I let myself ignore what I really felt for you.
I backed you off time and time again, but you held up strong and was always there.
Then I start to become weaker as I'm become more intrigued.
My caution lights towards you were flashing but I kept going anyway.
I tried to stay strong but your words seeped through my soul, my body and took me over.
Then I question.. Where is this going? When will you come around?
I feel insufficiant, unworthy of your time, and taken for granted.
Even when you swear against it.
You ask if I chose you. OF COURSE I have and why?
You've brought out another side in me, a side no one has seen before.
I've told you things, things that no one knows.
I've grown this aching desire, this feeling for you that no one has endured from me.
Why have I chosen you? thats why.
You're it, as much as I want to fight it.
There's not a day that goes by anymore that I don't think about you, miss you.
I feel like I've fallen in that emotional trap I was afraid of all along.
But I fell for you. I fell deep this time. And I'm afraid I can't find my way out.
Tell me what I've done to deserve this time without you.
This feeling keeps growing and it will never end.
And it hurts more every day.
Then I rethink... wait..
I read what I've wrote and I laugh.
I'm stronger than this I just know it.
I'll walk around like you've never crossed my mind.
But the more I try to ignore you, the more I can't stop thinking about you.
You've managed to shatter my defenses and hold me down.
I'm powerless now.
I'm weak and unarmed.
So either take my surrender and redeem the pain
Or kill me out of your life

because I hate living in suspense like this. I cant do it anymore.... I'm sorry.
I love you... too much baby... too much.