Let's talk sex, kids.

One thing I'd like to wrap my head around and come to terms with is sexuality. And I'm not talking about the graphic details of what it's all about. I'm merely fascinated with how one person can attract you sexually.

Most of my childhood was very healthy. I was your cliche playful, teasing, goofy, innocent -not to mention gangly- little girl that was always finding new adventures. As I turned into a young woman, hormones were rising and became something I didn't know what to do with. I wasn't comfortable in those giddy crushing situations. Most people at that age could relate right? Well, I just so happened to be completely awkward and repellent in those situations. Every time a guy would lay eyes on me, I'd figit and look around to see if I was surely the one he was looking at.

As time went on, I realized I was growing out of my awkward stage and was getting a lot of attention just by my looks. I liked the attention... at first. I felt like I was a hot commodity and someone that you'd be lucky to be with. Egotism got the best of me lets just say.

As further time went on, I started to become more aware of my intelligence and how I wanted to project myself and started to become more conservative, less flirty. Almost as if I had it out for guys, I was a strong-minded woman. I didn't take any more pick-up lines and found myself being rude to guys just because I assumed they wanted to get in my pants. This stage didn't last long.

As a little more time went on, I was lonely. A lot of my friends got into relationships and I was stuck living the single life. I started becoming more open to men, however I still had my shield on, knowing that most men were up to no good with a girl like me. I struggled trying to make flings last, and the few that did - push forward into a relationship. I soon realized then, that I didn't want to compromise this one precious life that I had. I don't like feeling set back or compromised into a life someone else wants for me. I want to live my OWN life.

Then I started exploring. I became interested in just about everything: traveling, people, stories, cultures, men and women. I wanted to see how other people lived that was different from mine. What grew on me was my attraction towards women, especially the ones that struggled with being a piece of meat towards men. AKA the pretty girls. As time went on, I found myself not only attracted physically towards men, but also women.

I don't feel like I've thoroughly explored that facet in my life, but I'm open to the idea lets just say. Women provide something that men cannot and that is no games. Most girls that I've connected with are usually very upfront, open, no bullshit type of chicks. I'm not saying that all women don't play games, just the more lesbian ones. It's comforting and refreshing to be able to have less pressure and tension and be real and raw and whatever makes you you. I'm not going to lie, I don't think I'll ever be a full-on lesbo, I don't even think I'm bisexual at this point; just bicurious. I do have a thing for men, and that's just it: MEN, Not boys. Not those that play games and throw me in vicious cycles of irrelevant arguments and drama, all based off of jealousy and decisions I make. Blah, screw that.

So, as it still stands, I am single but I've found myself falling closer and closer to better people. Ones that captivate me and might even be one day, Mikaela's... boyfriend (or girlfriend). AH! =)

Adventures Adventures, MORE Adventures =)

Picking up from where I started off... hahahaaaaaa

Getting my ish together is quite demanding of myself when I've been caught up in such a good time. I have never felt so FREE in my life. It's like I really did find that meadow in the middle of no where, spread my arms and my smile and ran around underneath the sun. I've been climbing up beautiful mountains, seen crazy shooting stars, jumped off some rocks into the ocean, ran around in circles until I fell (in a handicap parking spot have you mind), played hide'n'seek in the forest, played tag in the middle of the dance floor. I haven't played dadgeball on a trampoline yet but it's bound to happen at some point. I saw Where the Wild Things Are - which I adored. I feel like that kid. Hasn't found herself quite yet and needs to shake it out and wander for a while but am on the verge of coming up with something big. I went to my brother today and asked him "What's next? How do I follow this crazy two month rollercoaster I've been on?" My brother then asked me, "what meaning and value do you want to make in your life. Whatever that is, you should strive to make it happen... now."

Now the real question - that million dollar question that I always find a different answer to, just to answer the question: What is it that I want to do? What direction do I want to go? Where would I be most beneficial in this life??

Yikes. Those questions scare me.

I've thought of a few ideas... ones that can be easily followed with just the right dose of focus and ambition. School- I want to go back and finish my degree in PR or International Business - but where? Seattle seems too obvious. I'm too big of a fish in this small pond anyway. I feel like if I went that route, everything would follow afterwards. I wouldn't need that much of direction as I would figure out what I like and don't like along the way. On the side I was thinking, why not start my own business? I always wanted to have my own fashion line. I have a few new items in mind that aren't out on the market, as much as it should be at least, that I could fabricate into something great. Also, I would love to be a party planner. I always think of dope ideas for friends and after being where I've been I don't doubt that I could be pretty good at it. haha.

All I know that my future entails at this point is PEOPLE. I'm in love with everyone I talk to. I love hearing what people have to say; genuinely hearing them out. Everyone is so different, god knows I am, and I am just fascinated what it is that some people have that I don't, whether it be physical qualities, personality traits, etc. Also, I love seeing people happy. I don't want to be no shrink or FBI agent. I want to make lives better with situations that aren't that extreme. I want open-minded people, coachable, dependable people in my life. Also, ones that are willing to push the envelope alittle more than what they are used to. I am of course, a thrill seeker. This brings me to my next point...

So after all that happened after burning man, things have gotten crazier, if that can be possible. I quit JBay!! No more shady boss, bad hours, poor money, disrespect. The next day I took a flight out to AZ to see my brother. I thought, screw it. If I'm going all out, I mind as well road trip it with my brother, and he welcomed me with open arms. The following weeks became quite an adventure. From Phoenix to San Diego for their decompression, then back to Phoenix for more madness. The following weekend, we hit up LA for a crazy, "invite only," party that we caught ourselves in exactly one year prior. Then we went BACK to Phoenix to tie up some loose ends just to find ourselves back in San Diego one last time for Halloween. Madness I tell you. It was probably one of the best times of my life. I met possibly the coolest, most positive, energetic people in SD. They got us turning around our traveling plans to make a magical Halloween weekend I'll never forget. From warehouse parties to fire spinnin to swimmin at 6 am ... aww they were like candy in the food chain. After Halloween, we made our way to Vegas for the SEMA car show convention. That is where I met Forrest. He's a 'drifter' professional driver. From there, I got him to come visit Seattle for a few days and then I went with him to his home town for a week. Just so happened that he grew up in Hawaii!!!!! oh baby. And not only that, we were there the weekend the Hawaii Decompression was going on. Haha what are the odds. It was a glorious week. Beautiful views, amazing fruits, great weather. Couldn't get much better in Mid-november.

Back to the point I was making, now that I've caught up on my crazy month: the people. I am not quite a big fan of being set back. I really do either go big or go home, thrill seeker. Well, Forrest isn't... at all. Very chill hawaiian dude set in his ways. So after cruisin with him for over a week and a half, I'm glad that I'm home. Granted, I'm not some crazy party animal. I just don't like sitting around! Take me somewhere... Anything that feels like an adventure, I'm in. Just sitting around watching TV when I'm in Hawaii though is just not my cup of tea. I liked him but it would only get conflicting if I held onto it any longer. He's a small person i.e. one that is not willing to leave his comfort zone because he's still a little boy who is insecure. =) wow I'm harsh.

Anyway, I gotta get my move on for a night out on the town with my brother finally! Gosh feels good to be back.

Later thoughts.