AHHH It's been a minute since I've written in this thing but I don't think alot of you readers would care anyway...

So my 18th birthday passed... it's definitely nice to be this age, but I'm not feeling the more freedom idea and less harsh parents. Speaking of parents, my step mom is finally moving out of this house and is going to be divorcing my dad eventually. I really can't believe the time has finally come. You know you think that when parents are really mad at eachother and you think they are about to split up, of course they get back together the next day. That's how it's been for my dad and step-mom. I just can't believe they actually put the foot down after 14 years. lol I keep remembering how my brothers would joke with me about me first moving here a year and a half ago. My brother would always say, "ok here's the plan: you and your sister are going to drive dad and our step mom crazy until they split up." And a year and a half later, that's exactly what happened. Apparently though, it wasn't my sister and I that broke them up, my step mom and dad said that they have been having problems with their relationship for a long time now and they both agreed that they can't have a compatable relationship anymore. I mean I guess it's a good thing the way I see it because now there isn't two heads ruling the house and I don't have to put up with my step mom yelling at me constantly. I do see it as a bad thing in a way because I saw how my dad has been lately and he's losing his wife that he has been with for 14 years of his life. She has changed him so much in many good ways and it's just sad to see him lose the woman he married. But anyway, she's probably going to be moving out soon. We have already gotten a whole bunch of boxes and her stuff down to her new place and the moving truck it coming this week to take everything else. Wow I just can't believe it's over between them...

ANYWAY, school has been literally kicking my ass. Every time I squeak a project in, I get assigned another one. I think I might go crazy if school didn't end in about two weeks. I'm so behind it feels like in everything because I have so many projects to do ... grrr I just want the days to pass and get whatever grade... I'm already going to college so a 2.5 or higher is all I want. My mind right now is like "fuck school it's over" but there's still like 2 weeks left. Time is going by soo slow right now...

This weekend was pretty decent... Friday I went to dinner with Jill and Noelle for my birthday (thanks for the dinner by the way girls it was really sweet!) Then after that I met up with some other friends and we got faded and then bowled. It was awesome... I had fun. Then on Saturday, I basically did the same thing. Didn't do too much and came home early like a good girl. Sunday, however, was different. I kicked it in Newcastle and got fucked up there and didn't get home until early the next morning. My dad saw me come in because he was up for some reason and didn't seem to trip at all. I was pretty happy about that. All he really asked is when I wanted to be waken up. He was kind of tripping out today about it though but it doesn't seem to be that big of a problem right now considering all the other family problems we're dealing with right now.

Alright, it's getting late even though I'm not all that tired considering the time I went to bed last night... but I'll hit this back up hopefully soon. Take it easy everyone!

~BB

It's getting harder to write in this thing on a regular basis. Too much stuff that my life is preoccupied with right now I guess.

Anyway, this weekend I had a water polo tournament to qualify for state and yep... We're definitely going to state. I'm so proud of our team this year. We've improved so much, especially me. I feel like I really know what water polo is all about and how I can master it. I guess you can say that I mastered it when I scored 5 goals for the first game we played this weekend with a 10-5 score, one goal with a 3-1 score, 2 goals with a 7-0 score, and one with a 5-7 score. Yeah we lost a game but it was alright because we were all drained out during that game from playing before and not having any subs for the starters since 5 of our players weren't there. Next weekend is state so if anyone wants to come and see me and a whole bunch of girls in swimsuits let me know ha ha.

As far as this family of mine goes here at home, we aren't doing so well but what's new? My step mom has this temper where no one can even talk to her and she's kind of being like that right now, not so much towards me since I haven't really been home for her to be angry with, but more of my sister and dad. My dad came up to me the other day and said, "If you have any problems or issues, just talk to me because Heather can't emotionally take it. And if I catch you with anything I won't tell her because of the same reason. Just think of her as someone that lives in this house." I was surprised for him to tell me that because usually my dad isn't someone that keeps things from people, I mean especially his wife, but I'm not complaining because that means less punishment for me! Plus the fact that I'm going to be 18 in like a week will bring up the fact that I'm an adult now and I don't need to be punished like a child anymore. I went to a family counselor last Thursday and talked to her about all my problems with my step mom and dad. I guess it's always nice to talk to someone about your issues, especially if they're professional.

ANYWHO, I'm kind of sad that I'm not going to prom next weekend. I mean I guess I could have done something about it, like asked someone, but they probably would have been from a different school and I wouldn't know what group to go in so whatever. Prom is over-rated anyway. Plus I have state for water polo that weekend and I'll probably celebrate my birthday too that weekend since it's on the Monday after. AHH I'm not talking about this anymore...

OMG... I have so much homework it's insane. I never have the energy or the will to do it anymore though because I know this whole highschool thing is about to be over in 3 weeks. THREE WEEKS! Holy crap, that is coming fast ... I'm excited for WSU though. I know a lot of people going there and I'm just mentally ready to leave highschool. I just haven't enjoyed it as much my senior year as I probably have in my earlier years of highschool. I know I'm about to have a kick ass summer though with the beach lifeguarding, no school, more freedom, maybe a little travel, and just kickin it with everyone. AHH I can't wait for this to be over. Then again, I don't know how it's going to be like without highschool anymore... I'm hoping much better.

Oh jeez, I have a fuckin headache, and I'm SO SORE from playing all the polo games I played this weekend... I just need to relax. AHH but I can't because I have so much other shit to do. Like Walter's gay ass book report ... shit I haven't even turned in what book I'm reading to her! 3 weeks... 3 more weeks...

Well, I'm off to do some shit I probably not wanting to do so talk to you other cats later.

~BB

Wow, what a weekend. After everything that I've gone through, I just need to learn from it and move on. I'm not going to smoke anymore for the time being. All it does it just fuck me up and get me in trouble, especially during my water polo season. As far as drinking goes, it's been a big issue in my family knowing that my mom was an alcoholic and died from it. I don't want to end up like that so I just need to be more aware of what I'm doing and if it's smart. I'm not saying that I'm not going to drink anymore, I just need to have my limits.

It's kind of been bothering me how people come up to me or IM me asking why I'm not acting sad about my mom passing away. I am deeply hurt by what has happened and changed in my life, but I'm not about to isolate myself from everyone and cry until I can't anymore. I'm not that kind of person to let life pass me by while I just sit around. Don't get me wrong though, I let myself out at the service as I saw all of the people that were there for her and supported me and my family. It was tough to get through because I was so emotionally effected, along with many others that were there. Her life just passed by way too fast. I've had to cope with what has happened knowing that it was out of my hands. It was weird though that I coincidentally talked to my mom the night before she died... I didn't talk to her since winter break before that last conversation. I love my mom very much and dedicate this day to her as it is Mother Day. I'm missing her a lot right now.

Oh man, I haven't done any homework this past week, but to be honest it really hasn't really crossed my mind or had a big importance to me. I just know that I'm out of shape for water polo. I haven't been to practice since Monday. Tomorrow will be interesting when I go. Hope you all had a Happy Mother's Day, which I hope you all took the time to acknowledge and perhaps celebrate. G'night all...

~BB

Wow, what a weekend. After everything that I've gone through, I just need to learn from it and move on. I'm not going to smoke anymore for the time being. All it does it just fuck me up and get me in trouble, especially during my water polo season. As far as drinking goes, it's been a big issue in my family knowing that my mom was an alcoholic and died from it. I don't want to end up like that so I just need to be more aware of what I'm doing and if it's smart. I'm not saying that I'm not going to drink anymore, I just need to have my limits.

It's kind of been bothering me how people come up to me or IM me asking why I'm not acting sad about my mom passing away. I am deeply hurt by what has happened and changed in my life, but I'm not about to isolate myself from everyone and cry until I can't anymore. I'm not that kind of person to let life pass me by while I just sit around. Don't get me wrong though, I let myself out at the service as I saw all of the people that were there for her and supported me and my family. It was tough to get through because I was so emotionally effected, along with many others that were there. Her life just passed by way too fast. I've had to cope with what has happened knowing that it was out of my hands. It was weird though that I coincidentally talked to my mom the night before she died... I didn't talk to her since winter break before that last conversation. I love my mom very much and dedicate this day to her as it is Mother Day. I'm missing her a lot right now.

Oh man, I haven't done any homework this past week, but to be honest it really hasn't really crossed my mind or had a big importance to me. I just know that I'm out of shape for water polo. I haven't been to practice since Monday. Tomorrow will be interesting when I go. Hope you all had a Happy Mother's Day, which I hope you all took the time to acknowledge and perhaps celebrate. G'night all...

~BB

Oh man... Where to begin....

This week has been tough to get through and it will effect the rest of my life. Last Monday was a normal day for me. I went to school, came home and got ready for water polo practice. Before I could though, my dad comes running in the house all shook up. He starts to cry and was at a loss for words. My first thought was that my grandma had died. She has been going through very rough times lately and I'm so proud she's made it through for this long. So I ask him, "Is it grandma?" He shakes his head and quickly he replies, "It's your mom girls, I'm so sorry." At first, I didn't know what to say since it came at such a surprise. I really thought my mother was getting back on track and she still had many years ahead of her. She was so young, but her decisions that she made shortened her life more than anyone knew, even herself. I started crying because that was the only thing I could do or feel. I didn't see it coming at all though. I talked to my mom the night before. She was very loving and was anxious to see me for my graduation. It just didn't make sense to me. The rest of the week went by with more ease. This past year and a half, my mom has barely been in my life because I've tried to stay ignorant and away from the person she had become and I grew to not like. I still loved her very much, and looking back, I wish I had more opportunities to spend time with her or at least talk to her. Instead, I know she was hurting since she couldn't see her daughters every day like she used to. I know that she's not hurting anymore though now that she's in a better place, it's just me that's hurting now.

Thursday morning, my sister, dad and I flew down to Minnesota to be there for my mom's funeral. It was nice seeing everyone and being in my home town after so long. The next day, Friday, was the service for my mom. During the day, we gathered pictures of her and put it together in two big displays so people could remember her. It was a nice day spending it with my family and of course the greatest friend in the world, Christine. I know she had lost her mom too about a two years ago, and I was there for her so it was nice that she was there for me, along with my other great friends who came to the service: Casey, Becky, Liz, Jimmy, Care (Claire ha ha), and Carples. Thank you so much for your support, and of course to everyone else! It's nice to have people here in Washington that are here for me as well. I really appreciate your care and understanding. I just hope the teachers at school will too...

Well, I'm about to get my long hair cut and hopefully it turns out alright! More to say later...

~BB