"at least make something of yourself, Mikaela"

Someone just opened a whole new can of worms.

I love her to death but she triggered a button this time. It comes from a good place, I know. However, when you accuse someone of something you have no idea about, which lingers merely from soccer mom gossip, I can't help but want to cringe alittle. I'm coming down off of a great adventure, and just like every other year - someone's gotta rain on the parade to flood you with reality. I get it. I've been fucking off for a while or rather falling behind - to you. To me, I have been figuring this all out. Seeing everything in a new light and taking up opportunities that lie as I live and breathe each day. I have come close to a few options as far as "making something of myself" goes just from talking to people that have followed their dreams and seeing such beautiful creations of a lifestyle I admire. Now it's a matter of acting upon it.

I need to adjust my thought process, once again. Social life, health, but mostly love. I keep searching and trying to make things work. Mutual? Probably not, but I don't care. I've wanted to make something normal - something steady for a while. A familiar body to embrace on a daily basis. An ear to be here when I need someone to leak my passionate thoughts to. A good soul and will to make something beautiful and not just shrug off. Key word - make. I can't make anything like that happen. Why can't I find anything remotely close to that since B? It's been almost 4 years since I let it go. I know I'm only 24 and life is so young for me right now, but I'm so ready for something as strong as that. I have always been. I just want magic, nothing less. hah.

I watched Remember Me last night with the famous Robert Pattinson and it had a good moral to the story. How could you possibly know that tomorrow is a promised day? What does your life mean to you? How can you make it the best in your eyes?

Don't blink twice, Mikaela. And stop sleeping in. Time is fucking precious.