Never a dull moment

I want to say so much but the blank unwritten blog is intimidating me...

Here we go.

First off, wow. My life has been turned upside-down. Then again, when does it not? I have three jobs right now. I like it, however, I'm run down and I don't like that feeling. I want to be 100% in everything I do but tonight I couldn't hide my dragging face towards the end of the third day at my new job. I hope they don't think I'm already over working there. I've come to realize the more I stay in the restaurant industry, the less tolerant I have become. Being fake is not in my nature, and that is all they want to see sometimes. I can be professional, but not fake. As much as I can't wait for the festivities tomorrow, I'm ready for the weekend to be over so I can start focusing on my future plans more.

Speaking of the weekend,GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEDRIVE is on! I've been helping Mike plan this event for weeks now and finally the time has come. Fashion show, art displays, DJ's from all over (which whom are snoring soundly at the house as I'm writing), and a wholllle lotta booty shaking is what this bird is about to get herself into. Oh yeah, and I'm going to finally break the seal. I have not drank since Halloween and boy that has been a struggle. But I'm proud of myself for saying NO to drink offers on numerous occasions these past few weeks. I'm stronger than I thought.

Other than all that jazz, how am I feeling lately? My friends are good, my life is busy and slightly hard to keep up with, my goals are brewing, my passions are finally bursting out of its' shells, but how is Mikaela on the deeper front? I'm feeling ultimately on a content level and stable ground. However, no matter what, I'm still fighting that urge to want someone and embrace them wholeheartedly without ever letting go. Lonely, in other words. I'm afraid if and when I do find that in my life, will that be enough? I've been so there for my friends lately and they have right back. I've even had some good cuddling nights. I speak as the strong force for my friends that have fallen weak with settling in their relationships. Shit, I've basically gone pro with how many times I've had to mind slap people to wake them up and realize what they DO have in their life and how they CHOOSE what they want and how they feel. So why do I still have this burning feeling of emptiness in my chest? I don't think I'll ever be able to let that feeling I had with this person go... I keep preaching to others and reaffirming myself that "YOU are the ultimate manifestation of what you define life to be, whether it is raising a family, pumping that adrenaline and not being afraid, or making a passion a successful career and changing the world. This life is yours, so what really matters to you at the end of the day?" So stop worrying about what it is they want from you and start focusing on your needs for once. For me, my goals and meaning in life change so often that I can't ever pin it down for what I want to follow through with. But now, I've decided it's time to finally start biting the bullet and start making dreams come true little by little, day by day.

On that note of bouncy thoughts, dreams are where my mind floats off to next. Thanks for reading, whoever you are.