WHAT A LIFE.
I just can't go too much into detail. I realize being open online just doesn't do me any justice.
What was the purpose of this blog in the first place anyway? Not to explain what I do every day. Not to necessarily vent (however I tend to do that just to avoid speaking nonsense to unassuming ears), but to explain how I feel in this very moment of time in my life. Knowing that, I've realized the following...
I felt, for a while now, that I wanted to try and get myself a man. I've been feeling alittle lonely in this single world. I tried. Finally, after fighting the urge for over 3 years of the single life, I started 'dating.' I put just about %100 into everything I found potential with. Chose the ones you'd never expect me to choose as a potential partner. Unfortunately, nothing worked in the end. And the moral of the story? I realized how much I've taken my independence for granted. All the drama and sticky situations that you find yourself entangled with have now vanished. There is no going back and I am fine with that. I have to start setting my boundaries and stop wasting my time on weak individuals. Give me someone real and talented. I'm exhausted with those that just keep bringing me down. This is MY time.
Looking from the outside in, I can't believe how fortunate I am. Granted, I'm just starting to get on my feet again since Burning Man. I'm finally where I want to be; where I CHOOSE to be. I'm not doing what anyone else is telling me to. I'm not living someone else's life. This one is all mine. I'm sorry but "YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!!!!!" haha... oh wait oh wait. Damn my landmark class. Wasn't I supposed to get over that already? hah.
As far as careers go, I'm really starting to see things a bit clearer. Life is starting to formulate. And my magically ways of talking about what I'm interested in doing with my life to ANYONE is paying off. I don't want to go into too much detail until I understand what it takes to fulfill my destiny. It's been a LONG time since I've gotten anywhere close to a passion that I'd like to leak into my future career; the rest of my life! It feels good. It's about time!
Anyway, exhaustion is powering over me. I wish I could never sleep at this point in my life. I'm so anxious to start making something happen, something MINE for once.
Oh dreams that can be real life situations; you consume me.
Night world.
Don't let morals set you back in life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Late Night Catch-up.
Sometimes I let such simple things get the best of me. Sometimes I forget why I'm really here, living and breathing, on this planet. I think about how life could be different if I were a different race, different culture. How fortunate I really am this far is so amazing to feel right now. At this very point in my life, I have manifested such great people with alot of passion and insight. I've been stumped on numerous occasions by beauty I have never thought existed and breathless by stories I never knew could happen. I know, without a doubt, I'm lucky.
This weekend, I got to witness a friend 'open' her eyes and crawl out of her comfort shell she carefully concocted over the last 3 years to maintain that 'stable' life. A relationship where neither wanted to be alone, however neither were compatible either. Finally, she decided that instead of not having the guts to say goodbye, she truly wanted her partner to be happy and she knew she wasn't enough. So she let go. Cold turkey. SINGLE AS CAN BE! Another one bites the dust.
In other notes, my sister is officially hmm ALMOST DUE. Something around 45 days or so until a Avaline Michelle pops out of that booper belly. I think about her a lot and how her life is going to be so different for the rest of her life. Nothing but poopy diapers, sleepless nights, and squealing cries are going to what consumes her life. Oh, joy. But really, I'm thoroughly stoked for her new arrival and life. I hope it comes easier to her than expected.
I have officially MOVED TO SEATTLE AND I LOVE IT. Life can't be much better/independent. I'm finding a whole new outlet for creating paths that I could follow through with for the rest of my life, and not find out half-way down the road that it's doesn't interest me anymore. I've been interacting with people that DO follow their vision, or dream if you rather. I've also gone the other route, finding out what it is that I definitely don't want to be doing. The simple question I always ask, "so what is it that you do? (what is it that you have that I don't have?)" Then I sit there and see if that is a lifestyle suitable for me. So far, I've found out that I definitely DON'T want to be a nurse, cocktail waitress, bar owner, accountant, drug dealer, lawyer, officer of any kind, insurance broker or any sort of corporate job. I have brewed a few things in mind but I'd rather know more about it before I start sharing.
I'm working, saving money, and loving life right now. I've met a few men in the last couple months that might have potential, and are most definitely keeping me smiling for the most part, but you never know. I never try to expect too much from the opposite sex. I've learned that.
I miss my old life sometimes. I have been talking about Minnesota often. My old bull dog, my step dad and his goofy ways, my mom. It's weird that 7 years ago, a life got flipped upside down and gets brought into a whole new lifestyle, and even now you just can't let it go. Too many objects, songs, pictures, movies, hair dos and sayings remind me, and will always remind me, of where I came from. Boop says I should be talking to a therapist (like she is) once a week. Just to talk and let it out. I know it can't hurt. I'll look into it.
I'm officially tired. Lynzie comes in town tomorrow and Ben at the end of the week! Then, Seacompression and Halloween are about to bring a whole light of wicked and wild memories to reflect on. Oh the joy of seasons changing.
Goodnight.
This weekend, I got to witness a friend 'open' her eyes and crawl out of her comfort shell she carefully concocted over the last 3 years to maintain that 'stable' life. A relationship where neither wanted to be alone, however neither were compatible either. Finally, she decided that instead of not having the guts to say goodbye, she truly wanted her partner to be happy and she knew she wasn't enough. So she let go. Cold turkey. SINGLE AS CAN BE! Another one bites the dust.
In other notes, my sister is officially hmm ALMOST DUE. Something around 45 days or so until a Avaline Michelle pops out of that booper belly. I think about her a lot and how her life is going to be so different for the rest of her life. Nothing but poopy diapers, sleepless nights, and squealing cries are going to what consumes her life. Oh, joy. But really, I'm thoroughly stoked for her new arrival and life. I hope it comes easier to her than expected.
I have officially MOVED TO SEATTLE AND I LOVE IT. Life can't be much better/independent. I'm finding a whole new outlet for creating paths that I could follow through with for the rest of my life, and not find out half-way down the road that it's doesn't interest me anymore. I've been interacting with people that DO follow their vision, or dream if you rather. I've also gone the other route, finding out what it is that I definitely don't want to be doing. The simple question I always ask, "so what is it that you do? (what is it that you have that I don't have?)" Then I sit there and see if that is a lifestyle suitable for me. So far, I've found out that I definitely DON'T want to be a nurse, cocktail waitress, bar owner, accountant, drug dealer, lawyer, officer of any kind, insurance broker or any sort of corporate job. I have brewed a few things in mind but I'd rather know more about it before I start sharing.
I'm working, saving money, and loving life right now. I've met a few men in the last couple months that might have potential, and are most definitely keeping me smiling for the most part, but you never know. I never try to expect too much from the opposite sex. I've learned that.
I miss my old life sometimes. I have been talking about Minnesota often. My old bull dog, my step dad and his goofy ways, my mom. It's weird that 7 years ago, a life got flipped upside down and gets brought into a whole new lifestyle, and even now you just can't let it go. Too many objects, songs, pictures, movies, hair dos and sayings remind me, and will always remind me, of where I came from. Boop says I should be talking to a therapist (like she is) once a week. Just to talk and let it out. I know it can't hurt. I'll look into it.
I'm officially tired. Lynzie comes in town tomorrow and Ben at the end of the week! Then, Seacompression and Halloween are about to bring a whole light of wicked and wild memories to reflect on. Oh the joy of seasons changing.
Goodnight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)