Unfulfillment leaking through.

I find myself screaming in the inside alot, mostly out of frustration. Sometimes I just wish things and people just came to me without all the stupid games and obstacles you have to go through in order to figure it out. I have noticed I have a "f-it" personality right now. Not that I meant to have it, it just came naturally. It seems like the right thing to do is so hard to find, and the wrong thing to do is written everywhere. It's so easy to make a mistake than to make someone proud. My personality has been so vulnerable throughout the last couple years. I was bound to fall into those deviant, wrong-willed tendencies that society has handed to me on a platter. I have so many dreams and I am always thinking of something to make of myself, but how do I make that next step? I want to do it right so bad, but I'm so foriegn to the knowledge of getting there. I think I just called myself dumb, but unfortunately that may be the case.

I WANT TO SCREAM SO HARD!!! I want to rip my hair out and flip the bird to the world. I'm going crazier by the minute. I can feel it under my fingertips. I just want to be ME but I feel like it's practically impossible with the life I've set up for myself. I know I'm different than everyone I surround myself with. I think I'm finding out now that they're not just as different than everyone else. In fact, they're all the same. I'm the black sheep that doesn't know it's way right? Why couldn't i have just been a bear, or perhaps a cougar, maybe a wolverine? I think I would have done much better for myself in the wild.