And I thought Burning Man was hard to explain.

Let's just say I'm completely shattered... mentally, emotionally and physically at this point. I know its damn early in the morning but I can't sleep now... not with this much pain. After a lame first night at work, I leave around midnight to meet up with my brother in Seattle. We hit up an after party which was kickin. Great music, lots of burners and alcohol served after 2. Man, I couldn't really ask for more. After a few shots of ta kill ya... I was starting to feel amped up. Since coming back from the playa I haven't felt 100% you could say, so I've been trying to test my abilities into getting back up to par.

I have tested those abilities too early tonight.

So I start easing my way into dancing on the dance floor and start hoppin around. I could feel the old me coming back as the music was pumping through my veins and allowing my body to move. ooo wait... I felt striking pain in my knee and started working my way out of the dancing scene. The more I started walking to sit, the intensity of the pain increased drastically. As I finally managed to find somewhere to rest, all I could express was the lightning strike of pain that was flowing through my knees (and still is). I started rocking back and forth and massaging my knees but the more attention I brought to them, the more it hurt. There finally came a point where I couldn't feel anything but the incredible amount of pain that I felt was being injected into my knees. I couldn't do anything but cry at that point. My friend came over and was practically nursing me in my paralized condition but I was trying to tough it out. I didn't want to be that weak girl that couldn't pull through. Everything else was there, I was headache-free, puke-free, healthy and stable throughout everywhere else in my body but the excrusiating pain from my knees buckling underneath me.

We got out of the hot and sweaty dance floor to outside where the pain seemed to still be getting worse. I was crying like a baby at this point. I couldn't stop it hurt so much. My poor friend, Dylan, didn't know what to do but to kiss it and ask around for ice. A young man came by and gave me some pain killers which was nice... and after about a half hour I was finally feeling better.

I have never felt this kind of pain in my knees before. Never felt so helpless and in so much throbbing pain. I feel like my leg has been disconnected and is working itself back together again.

I am in hell and I just want this misery to end!!!! Haven't I already had a good dose of reality already?!?!? Take me back to where life was simple and I was healthy... please. hah.