Reality sinks in... Finally

I hate to admit it, but it's looking like I have finally accepted that my pathetic life is real and I'm not in la la land anymore. Ok, maybe I'm still bitter.

I haven't even talked or hung out with any of my friends since I've been home. I really just want to keep to myself and family and stay under the radar for a while. I think that will be best for me. And look, with all this alone time and writing time, I'm actually starting to dig the surface of my purpose on this earth!

Last night was interesting... to say the least! I never thought Monday nights could be so crazy but of course I would find a way one of these days. My brother, my friend Dylan and I went to a Burning Man gathering to discuss the events of last week and share some of our experiences of a magically week. Meh, it was alright... bunch of nerds with goofy opinions on everything but I didn't mind... it was entertaining to say the least. Then afterwards, my brother and I continue sharing our thoughts at the Cha Cha and then make our way to the Moe bar - which got packed! Not to mention, Joel -my first actual boyfriend- was bartending at. After about an hour in, he gets off work and starts drinking and hanging out. We head over to another bar together and start flirting like old times, thank you drunken natures. Keep in mind, Joel has a girlfriend. Maybe it was me being selfish or him being too weak to just go home, but things started getting... close. As the bar was closing down, Joel invited me back to his place. At that moment, I actually told him that I could just take off with my brother and that I didn't have to go back with him. I'm not one to be the home-wrecker and I still had some frame of mind to observe the situation brought to hand. He goes on by telling me it's ok and that he missed me. aghh... here we go again. Our drunk a$$es make it back to his apartment and the rest was history. After all was said and done, he admitted he'd felt guilty. I don't blame him. I missed the guy so much and what we used to be that I wasn't strong enough to just walk away. We both decided after this point on, night encounters are no longer. I left early the next morning and spent the rest of the day with my brother.

Aghhh... I think that morning that i wake up, hungover might I add, I realized then that I need to start getting my shit together. Reality sucks... unless you want to make the best times of your life possible, you have to get through all the hard times. If only I could find a way around them...

Later this evening, my brother and I when to an entrepreneurial seminar and it got my mind into thinking, why don't I just start my own thing?? I don't think my destiny involves following someone elses' orders and I'm not meant for a 9-5 desk job so why not? Ideas are bouncing around in my head trying to make something of it. I was thinking or having my own banquet service for companies, families and friends and make those good moments last. Man, I would absolutely love a job like that.

yikes... I have so many things to write about but i'm afraid I'm going to use the keyboard as my pillow in a few minutes unless I wrap this up quick..

I will be back =)