GRRRR everything I just wrote was completely erased on accident. I hate that but at least I can express it all over again. AHH and I was just about to get some food because I havent ate anything in a whole 24 hours. shit. I really don't know whats wrong with me. I love food, I love cooking food, and I work at a fuckin restaurant for god's sake.
So, where I left off with my roommate resulted in avoiding our potential arguement for clarity on both behalfs because it just wasnt worth my breath. She came home and since then we just put it in the back of our heads and pretended we never even fought. Thats how we are though, we just keep things unresolved because in the end, we'll end up making up and realizing that it was pathetic to be even fighting in the first place.
Since then, there's been a few events that have gone my way and made my life a bit easier and less stressful. I'm talking to bry alot more, and he seems to be actually coming through (or at least trying to). I feel that he could be coming out of the black hole of this long overdue mystery, but then again I don't want to say that because knowing me I'll end up jinxing myself haha. Theres not a minute that goes by that hes not in my head. And now half the time I'm thinking about him I'm at least talking to him and not sitting and ripping my hair out waiting for him to make a move. So I guess thats good right? One step closer... hah..
Another event is that Sarah got a DUI about a week ago. I know I shouldn't be happy about that by any means. But because she got that... she thinks its stupid to move back to florida so soon. She was going to leave in two weeks, and now shes not thinking about moving until the end of the summer, whenever she can get her DUI handled and out of the way. That means, I won't have to find another roommate which is practically unrealistic timing, pay more for rent or MOVE once again into somewhere cheaper. I hate packing and leaving. At this point I'm glad that I get to sit here and lay back and not always be on-the-go or unhappy about where I'm living. Moving does not have to be on my mind for at least another month.
One other event that I can think about that helps me out is a CAR. I need one damnit... I'm wasting alot of time taking the bus and I would LOVE to just be in control and get from point A to point B without having to transfer buses or taking the wrong bus and ending up in the complete opposite direction. I talked to this older guy and he has a honda civic he's willing to give me for 500 bucks. not too bad right? not that classy either but hey I got somethin goin for me.
As far as my life goes, I dont think I'm much of a happy camper but I'm better than what I was and fortunate for what I have. I just feel like I don't get a good grip out of life sometimes when it gets so complicated. I want to go back to being a kid where life was simple, days were longer, less stress was met, and decisions made were clear and instinctful. I wish I could be takin back to better days and feel like this time in between isn't wasting me away. Until then, I will have to deal with it and make the most out of what I have - or dont have -
I NEED to eat now... I'm starting to bite my nails- thats always a sign :P
later thoughts... later days...
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