It's been a hard few weeks but I'm making it by and lifting myself up. Its just when certain things - even the smallest - dont go my way I break. I wish I could be strong right now. Thats how I've always been. However, the changing process of who I am and what I'm doing with my life seems to go by as if I'm walking on glass. I'm worn out, beat, and confused. Last night I tried to go out but it was one of those nights where nothing seemed to go my way and everyone was in pissy moods. One of my friends said something, which wasn't even that bad, but it still hurt my feelings and I had it... I anti-socialized (if thats even a word) myself into a dark room and called people that could make me feel better. Lately, joel has been pulling through as superman once again. He picked me up the next morning and drove me to where I needed to go. He's always so good to me and I feel shitty for being the person I was to him last summer. He always comes through and thats what I will always appreciate about him. I can't like him the way I used to though, because I'm distracted by you-know-who. I can't like anyone for that matter.
today is a better day . have to work later . and I have nooo clue what I'm doing after . it will probably be the reason for another journal entry though...
later thoughts
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