I remember when I was a munchkin, everything seemed much more pure; came right from the heart with no pit stops for fickleness or dry talks. You know, when you get so excited for the littlest things like five bucks, when your dad finally comes home from work, when you get ready to go to the park, etc. I still feel that way sometimes. Where my heart comes from is a heavy, passionate, deep feeling that touches your soul. Not to sound egotistical, but that is just how I was raised and how I choose to be. Why give anything half ass? When I love, I love hard... when I fight, I fight hard, when I want something I'll do what it takes to get it.
During this trip my sister and I took to Minnesota, I saw a life that lacked that. It was disturbing at first, then I wanted to feel it out and help, listen and be there. Then I realized, I can't fix anything. I can't tell people to be a certain way (man, would the world be such a better place though HAH). All I can do is be me, the best way I know how to be - full of life, youth, energy, and love. And hopefully that is enough to infiltrate to those who don't do as such. It's a shame to see good hearts, smart minds go into a fixed, robotic lifestyle. A life where your thoughts are locked away in your mind and your feelings stashed somewhere in your heart. Maybe someday you'll get around to it, but now you have to stay above water. Pay those bills, make people happy, stay out of everyone's' way and cause no hassle for anyone. It's just depressing to watch.
On the flight home, I was sitting next to this little girl, who was flying by herself. So I took it upon myself to watch over her. She started opening up to me as I started making a hemp necklace. She got so interested in what I was doing, I could help but teach how to do it. By the end of the plane ride, I had her make a hemp necklace for her mom she hadn't seen in three years. As I was about to leave, I saw her and she saw me and she ran up to me and gave me a hug! I had only spent a few hours with this cute little girl, and she was attached with pure feelings. I felt so much better instantly, just by that one plane ride home. I need to start hangin around kids more often, I think. Better yet! wait... no ... not yet Mikaela.
After aching for so long to go back to MN to see my old roots and catch up on times lost with my HS friends, it feels so refreshing to be back now that I'm finally at ease here in Washington. I feel like I've been on the go since August, which is true, besides a week here and a week there of coming back home just to repack and bail out again. I need a break. I need to focus. Figure out what my next step is now that I've seen all my options. Well, not all but the options that are most convenient for me. My life stands still, right now, just before the dawn of 2010. I'm left in a pondering moment where all the voices and all the images keep replaying in my head. Between love, my future, family and great bonds I've encountered... I have a lot to think about.
Goodnight world.
2 comments:
Hmmm, I like the way you think. Hope 2010 brings you a big cup of life overflowing with great opportunities!
Well put Mikki! I have come to the realization that there are very few people like you, or I for that matter in the world who truly understand what life is really about. In no way do I claim to have everything all figured out but it is safe to say that soul-searching and spending time alone in silence is something everyone should do, often! Placing your values on understanding and bettering yourself as an individual is what it is about. It's what makes you the best you that you are capable of being, and the most beneficial person to those that you love. It is then that you find true happiness. Not in the pre-conditioned bullshit we are taught defines happiness ya know? I love that you are so in the same place mentally as I am right now... there aren't many people our age, that take the time to analyze things from such a positive perspective. About the kids thing... COULDN"T AGREE MORE... they are untainted and pure. oh to be young forever :)
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