Alright so apparently I'm STILL grounded because I haven't talked to my step mom about lying. grr I've wanted to talk to her but I'm always to worn out after practice and she doesn't usually get home until 8 or 9 anyway and when she is home she's on the phone or falls asleep early. SO really I just haven't had the opportunity to talk to her. Plus I guess I'm kind of intimidated to talk to her but I know she doesn't want to talk to me or have anything to do with me until I do talk to her about me lying. Whatever though, I don't think my parents would let me out anyway because I have so many restrictions I have to abide by. I feel like my life is so controlled right now that I can't even make ANY of my own decisions these days. I've been thinking alot about just leaving and seeing what happens. I know I'm under 18, so if the police were involved I would be busted but once I turn 18 in may, how can they stop me then? If I just leave, it's not like they can be like "you're grounded" because there is no legal issues in the way anymore and they really don't have custody of me. The only thing I would feel bad about is that they are my home and that's the house I come back to that they provide me with. What I really want to do is rent an apartment for the summer with other people and not have to worry, but I wouldn't know who to ask and the money issue always seems to be a problem. That's another thing I don't like, depending on my parents for money and driving their car. I hate having that because I know they can always use that against me. I've decided to try and get a job as soon as I possible can so I can start gaining some currency in my name, not theirs.

AHH... it seems like I want to do soo much this summer but in order to do it I have to make some money. Like I want to go to Minnesota for at least two weeks, I really want to visit my good friend, sonia, in cali because I haven't seen that girl in so long and I've known her the longest out of all of my friendships (3rd grade baby!), I want to go to Oregon alot and visit my family there, oh and New York because my brother really wants me to see him. Dang, I really need to start saving money...

I just don't want to be here for the summer. I've been here long enough to where my parents can't stand me and think they can lock me up from everyone. I'm so sick of it and they need to know that I am going to have the same situations to deal with in college. They can't prevent it now when I'm about to be 18 and how of this hell hole. I just wish they could let me go and trust me on making the right decisions.

Whatever... right now I'm just trying to get by and do as they say. All I can say is that I won't be able to put up with it for much longer...

~BB