mmmk ... I don't even know where to begin. Things just seem to get worse and worse for me even though I keep thinking I'm at my worst point. Whatever though... There's gotta be an end to this madness. So what am I talking about ... well let's just say this weekend was a killer to get through. I was actually looking forward in going to school. So as this is my second weekend of being grounded, I stayed home like a good girl and end up STILL getting in trouble. I really don't want to go through it because I don't want to have to mention names and whatnot but I can explain it personally if you ask. Let's just say that I lied to my parents and they found out. I got this whooole shpeeel on how lying is the worst someone can do and it's just better to tell the truth. And it just seemed like this whole day I was getting these signs on telling the truth. Like in speech today, a girl gave a speech on how people that lie is her biggest pet peeve. Another is how I've listened to that Hillary Duff song "come clean" like at least 3 times today. If you've listened to the words, it fits with this situation. SOOO I confessed to my dad that I lied and so now I have to go to the big "H" factor and say that I lied... I hate doing that SO much it's the worst thing for me to confess.

Not to mention how this weekend COMPLETELY SUCKED for water polo. We played five games this weekend and lost every one of them. Part of the reason is that we had about half of our good players present, another is that we're learning new stuff with our new coach and haven't completely applied it to the game, and another would be that we are just inexperienced as a whole and its only the beginning of the season. I know we'll get better though, maybe not as quick as Friday when we'll have to play against Mercer Island. Yep definitely not going to win ::knock on wood:: but I know we learn something every game we play so it will be a good experience.

Also today I went on a field trip to a waste water plant over in Renton and that was definitely a terrible and raunchy experience to go through. Seriously, I think it's WRONG to take students to a field trip to a waste water treatment place where we get to see where our "organic materials" end up and go through. Seriously though, everyone there HAD to plug their nose or else they would have to deal with the most sickening and disgusting smell that filled the area, of course much worst in some areas.

Other than that, I haven't been up to too much since I'm still grounded. I guess my dad knows that I've snuck out before... hmm maybe because I told him I wanted to stay home from school the next morning. He said he was almost certain that I was hungover, but REALLY I haven't been actually drunk since mid-winter break. So I guess this means he thought I was fibbing to him that day of when I was actually sick. That's sad... I really need to build up this trust with my parents. But really though, they need to understand that I'm GOING to drink in college and maybe go out on school nights sometimes. If that's the way I choose to live, ESPECIALLY at this age of nearly being an ADULT, then why can't he accept that? I think he just wants to see me do the right thing until he let's me go loose and out on my own. So somehow, I need to figure out how I'm going to prove this to him that I can make the right decisions. From now on, I just need to be more straight up and honest with him. That's the only way he will let me do anything in this world, even if he has to say no some or most of the time. Enough with this though for now.

I'm still in my swim suit from practice so I better get a bizzouncin ... Tuesdays suck.

~BB

AHHH where to begin...

ok I guess I'll start with friday. Since I'm grounded, I decided not to sneak out that night because of several reasons: getting yelled at by parents, parents showing up wondering and worrying about their kid, people getting fucked over from the po... the one reason I want to explain is just being yelled at by my step mom. She said basically everything you could say to hurt someone and after hearing what she said, I completely look at her differently. If my dad wasn't there to support me, I probably would have tried to move out, just live somewhere else because I can't take what she said to me. Now, of course, she's trying to be all nice and forget everything she told me but I can't let her get away with it and forget it myself too. I guess you're all probably wondering what exactly she said to me, and if you're really interested I'll go more into it if you ask.

yeahhhh... That whole having people over on Thursday before my step mom got home didn't work out well at all. I decided to not skip practice that day so I told my sister that she had to be careful and watch everyone there. An hour and a half later, I come home and realize things have gotten out of hand, so after I shower and do my best to clean up. My sister has to go to practice so I didn't have time to clean everything. OF course during that time, my step mom comes home and notices everything and ultimately we end up being grounded for TWO WEEKS! I've never really been grounded since I've been here. This really is going to suck just finding rides home from school, going out on the weekends, just being able to go out whenever I wanted... two weeks. Definitely wasn't worth it for me. At least I still get to go to water polo though.

On Friday, I had a water polo game, the first of this season, and we definitely creamed Roosevelt. Other than that, I was a good kid and followed the rules of being GROUNDED, which killed to follow. Well, does Sunday count as part of the weekend? I kinda snuck out that night woops. This time I made sure I didn't or couldn't get caught though, thank the LORD I didn't. It's just hard though, how am I supposed to learn my lesson when they lock me up? How can I prove to them that I learned my lesson? Whatever, who knows what their methods are. All I know is that I'm about to leave all this shit within the next 6 months so no worries. I'm not going to let them take away my life and enjoyment. I just know that I have to make the most of my life and being locked up won't stop meh. CARPE DIEM for those of you who know what I'm talkin bout!

This week starting off has been alright. It's REALLY sucked for me not being able drive to school, or use the car period, ESPECIALLY since my dad has been out-of-town so obviously he's not using it. GRRR, It's been frustrating for me lately. Today, however, has been different. Not only is Wednesday an early release from school, but I happened to come across my CAR KEYS that my step mom took from me! This is definitely a sign for me to go out at least for a little bit so I can enjoy the steering wheel while sitting in the leather seat taking in the AC, as I push the gas peddle. Speaking of, I better go get to it before my step mom gets home. AHH I hope I don't dig myself a DEEPER whole .. that would completely SUCK badly.

I forgot to mention that I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my father long distance last night. It was probably on the top of the list of conversations that I have had with him, or anyone for that matter. He just seemed so understanding and it wasn't like I was trying to get myself out of grounding at all, but I think I might have talked him into letting me go out this Saturday if my step mom agrees. I have to act my best though, so I better get my cruise on if I don't want to get caught! Oh wow, I'm so bad it's ridiculous. CARPE DIEM though, seriously. It's the only thing I know and probably the most I've gotten from going to school.

Seize the day everyone! It's hump day remember...

~BB

Oh wow ... I haven't even started my homework and it's already 10:45! It's ok though, I made good use of my time having my fun for hump day (Wednesday is the day where you get over half, or the hump, of the week ;) or St. Patrick's Day, as other people would call this fine day. Actually the weather wasn't too pretty today but that has no effects really on me so whatev. AHH I skipped practice AGAIN today! I don't feel as guilty though because my dad was chill about it even though I wasn't home to show him that I had "allergies," well I really did, but I probably could have swam with me being like this. It was well worth it though.

After the whole fun day, I come home around 8:30, I know WAY TOO SOON but then again it's a school night, and I talk to these really nice ladies that give me a lot of insight about UW and WSU and the sororities there. I thought it was very beneficial to hear what they had to say about their experiences at the college they went to so I was able to get a clearer idea of what my top two colleges are all about. I still have no clue where I want to go though.

After that meeting, I talked to a great friend who also gave me, as well as I did for him, good insight about dancing. It was interesting to hear what someone of the opposite sex thinks about dancing, specifically getting hard when a girl is dancing with you. Ha ha I know that some girls don't like the fact that a guy is really getting off on you, but maybe that's because they aren't attracted to them that way, or they just are foreign to a guy's body parts. Some girls like it though because it gives you a sign that you're dancing good enough to turn a guy on and it's definitely reassuring that they guy is attracted to you, maybe as much as you are to them. But beside that point, I think just dancing should be brought out more. It's definitely an easy way to get close with someone. Otherwise, if everything is just still then it's all focused more on every movement and it's more intimidating to make the first move. Plus, dancing is like another way of communication, other than just talking or writing.

Alright, enough talk - time for some cram homework time. (even though I'm not going to half of my classes tomorrow because I get to take my dad to the airport, which he'll be LONG GONE for 5 whole days, so hopefully I can get a little bit of party at mi casa before the step mom arrives later in the night.

Have a GREAT Wednesday HUMP day and St. Patrick's day everyone!

~BB

This weekend was ok ... I always end up driving ALOT so I think I'm going to let up on that and hitch those rides. I had my fun I guess, but I felt bad when I completely forgot that I had pictures with my polo team and missed it. I went to practice today though and no one said anything ... Thank god.

So, it's kind of weird right now with my parents being the way they are. I thought that I was about to get the big punishment and no trust and their complete disappointment from what they caught me from last week, but things haven't really been like that at all. Last weekend, I had the car all night and I was out late, and my dad wasn't pissed like usual. Hmmm.. I don't know if its that I'm about to be 18 in a couple months or they're just too lazy to enforce rules, but I'm not fretting about it obviously. My parents have actually been more on my sister's ass which safe guards me from getting in trouble. It's definitely going to be nice that my dad will be out of town starting thurs-tues. Even though my step-mom will be home, well not really, I can still get by with a lot more.

Life hasn't been treating me so good in some departments though. For example, my ALLERGIES just kicked in, and they did hard. Every spring, I get the WORST case of allergies. Thank god it clears up by the end of spring though. It's just a bitch to get through.

The remainder of my life right now has just been going by I guess. Nothing is really new, but I want to be able to do different things, go different places, see different things, meet new people, embrace new experiences ... you get my flow. I guess I'm just really ready to go to college, or maybe there is something missing in my life right now. Whatever it is though, I'm going to search for it. It just gets a little difficult when I have school and sports in the way ... oh and my laziness.

Speaking of college, I guess I can still get accepted by UW. All I have to do is write a quick letter explaining my situation. Jeez ... this college stuff is really getting on me though. After going through all this work, I sure as hell hope I get accepted to everywhere I applied for, otherwise it can be devastating. I'm not going to worry about though. As Calv puts it: "Hakuna mafuckintada" -no fuckin worries.

hmmm.... That's all for now. It feels like I still have more to say, but I guess there will be other times for that, plus I'm getting tired. Have a good Monday night. Oh and just a side note, I know Mondays might be repetitive or ordinary, so don't make it that way! Go out and do something for you, not the teachers or the parents ... hakuna mafuckintada ;)

~BB

JEEZ I don't have that many good things to say in my blog .. I'm sorry for that but it just seems like the bad stuff hits me a lot harder. Like my dad caught ME AGAIN! wtf I know sad story too. I really don't want to go through it but yeah my sister invites a guy here to sneak in... So he comes downstairs and my parents are still up and my sister left me with him. So I thought it would be safe for me to bring him in my room and then like 10 minutes later my dad walks in on me! He's like "you're busted" not only did he get me AGAIN within less than a week, but he was so frustrated that he told my step mom and now she knows too! My dad doesn't want me to know that though because he said it would be between me and him .. but I overheard him talking to her about it so I'm fucked basically. Why am I so retarded sometimes? My life is just wacko right now.

Also the fact that I basically only have guy friends that I hang out with now, that makes my life a little more wacko. Well not really, I don't mind it, I just don't know what it is between me and girls but I just can't get along with them as well as with guys I guess. And that's fine with me as long as I know that I have friends to count on and be there. Thanks to all you bois in my life... you're the homies straight up. And the few girls that are out there for me ... most in MN but much love for you all to!

Another messed up occurrence in my day was when I got the message for UW saying that they didn't receive my test scores! What a crock I knew that I sent them. But the fact of the matter is that, they cannot accept my admission into UW for this term. I really wanted to see if I got accepted! I guess this was an easy way for them to deny my application. AHH! I'm about to call them and tell them that they're wrong no doubt. grr .. but if that's all true, I guess it narrows down my decisions on what college to go to and makes it easier for me to decide. I think I'm leaning on the WSU side though... my mind was meant to be there ha ha.

Well, today seemed to go by pretty fast! Maybe because I didn't go to school ... It was fun today with my other fellow skipping friends. I should get to my homework ... probably catch up but have a great Thursday night and tomorrow is FRIDAY so no worries fasho.

~BB

OH what a weekend ...

Let's just say that I did have my fun but I wasn't careful enough. Sunday I snuck out and that wasn't a problem, even taking the car, but the fact that I took a little bit of my dad's medicine, some alc, everything go twisted over. Obviously, he was wondering where it was the next day, as I stayed home from school because of my "allergies," so I knew I had to tell him. I know that I'm not in that much trouble because he wont tell my step mom, which is an absolute relief, but he's seeming to be pretty stern about the whole situation. It will be nice though because this weekend my step mom is going out of town and the following weekend my dad is leaving for 5 days! That means I have really nothing to worry about besides my step mom being home. It will be a good break, but I know my dad will be sketchy on leaving me for that long since he still has a little anger left in him. At first he didn't want me with the car at all, but since that's about 90% of how I get to places, he knew that would weigh down his day so I hope he's letting up on that. As for next weekend, I might be on the lock down ... but that's impossible for me to do anyway, so I'll be sneakin out. JEEZ it seems like the more I get in trouble, the more rebellious I am.

It's kind of sad though, my dad thinks I'm turning into an alcoholic. This scares him because he knows that I'm only in highschool and there is going to be a lot more of it in college, which is why he's rethinking of me going. I'm not going to let him not let me go though... I've already gotten accepted into two colleges, and it was a lot of work getting there.

Alright, time to go to practice! YAY I get to drive.

Have a great Monday.

~BB

Ok so it's really late, but don't worry I took a nap ... the problem is I'm not getting tired at all so I thought I would try getting tired by writing one of these blogs. Today, nothing too exciting happened. It's tuesday though what do you expect? I got to skip 7th period today because my dad needed the car so I got home early and took a nap as soon as I could before going to practice. And yep, things are same old same old with that. I'm still incredibly sore, I'm still out-of-shape, and I'm still late to practice because I resent to go at the moment. I think that will change though, once I get faster of course.

Since I've started to swim again, I noticed that I still got those bad habits of all my swim stuff sprawled out on the floor, and my parents HATE that, especially during the middle of the week for my step-mom. She is always stressed out and claims to have a "hard" day, I know she probably has though with her class of 30 1st graders, but I do too and it's probably more than she knows. Well, I guess my laziness in not pickin up after myself right after swimming kind of through her off, so I had to deal with her lecture for a good portion of my day. I hate it though when they talk to you as if you're a child. It's like I'm leaving to be on my own, away from you in a few short months, so either try to make these last experiences of living with you memorable and happy or leave meh be. I've heard though that parents take a dramatic change either when you turn 18 or when you move out, and I will be getting to both of those thankfully soon.

Aright, this is getting rediculously late on a tuesday night, so I'm gonna hit the sheets and hope for the best in the morning. sweet dreams

song quote: "Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long."

~BB