Alright well things just haven't been going my way lately.... at all. First of all, I got caught on Monday for smoking from my step mom. She was appalled to even think that I did that kind of stuff... oops. I know it may mean nothing now, but I really have to stop smoking that stuff... except for on special occasions.

Anyway, I guess that incident brought on her fierce words that she spit on me tonight. After having a calm conversation about where I'm at as far as school goes and making the right decisions, I go downstairs and keep my peace. However, my sister brings the drama as my parents get more upset. My step mom comes downstairs and starts off by saying to me, "you know what? I have a great idea. Why don't you and your sister both just move out and live with your step dad. That will make everything better ... but since you won't do that anyway, I'm leaving." She goes on by saying that this past year has been hell for her and she thinks I might have a mental problem because I drink and sometimes smoke. Oh and I lied to her, well didn't tell her the whole truth one night and she uses it against me. She even told me that she's not paying for any of my college so I mind as well go to BCC. I mean I might have considered that if I didn't go through the whole college application process! Then she goes on by saying, "And I've tried my best being a mother and giving you clothes, but you just disrespect me anyway...." blah blah... Not ONCE have I done a mother-daughter type of thing with her, unless you count visiting WWU. But it's been almost a year and a half and I've had a relationship with her where she just enforces her rules and I end up getting more of her yelling and bitching at me. I've tried to play her game, but I can see that she tries to control me, my sister, even my dad WAY too much. I've heard too many nasty words from her to be able to love her anymore. I don't feel anything from her right now except for her bringing my life down and miserable. I wish I could say something nice about her but she really doesn't deserve it, she isn't even my mother to begin with.

Then my dad... poor thing I truly care for him because I know that he really just wants to make things work out. He gets frustrated at me sometimes over simple things like rolling my eyes or having an "attitude," but he's always sympathetic when I need him most. After I told my dad that my step mom caught me coming home high, he just started laughing and took the situation lightly. Now, I can see he took some of Heather's words in and is coming down on it. But, besides all of that, he gives me rides whenever I need them almost every time, he supplies me with money and a cell phone. He's always wanting to go to a movie with me so I know that he's trying to be the real parent. That's why I respect him and love him.

Ahhh ... My life just feels like a wreck right now. I am so lost on what exactly I'm going to do in a few months. It just feels like I need to do so many things and then I get the stress from my parents, as well as school and water polo. I have to complete and turn in the rest of my community service hours, I need to get a job soon and start making my own money, I have AP tests coming up next week, along with school that's kickin my ass right now. I just feel lost and a bit unloved right now. My sister is pissed at me for some stupid reason and my step mom hates me right now so I guess I've just gotten piled up with all this shit and I need to start emptying it all out.

The only thing that's really been helping me get through a lot of this shit is water polo. I'm beginning to love this sport and become a really good player. I guess it's sort of therapeutic for me because I'm able to let my frustration and anger out and learn how to deal with it by swimming and staying in shape. We just had a game today, and my cute swim coach broke his watch because he was so excited from the shot I made in the goal. I was pretty happy about that. I guess water polo just helps me forget about all my worries and things that have been bringing me down to be a better player in the pool.

I guess writing in here helps me out a lot too. So does sleeping....... better get my sleep in for the night.

~BB

Ahhh this weekend was insane. After a brutal and exciting game on friday night for water polo, I cleaned up and kicked it with homies on the kirkland strip. That night I got piss drunk and I was passed out until 7:30 the next morning! I just crept in the house and walked quietly to my bedroom where I could change and pretend like I was sleeping in my bed the whole night. An hour later I have to go to a fundraiser for polo. funnn... I didn't feel quite to good from the night before and I was pulling weeds early the next morning... not so cool. Anyway, After all that fun stuff, I get ready and kick it with a few peeps and get blazed before the night starts. Later, I go to this party in redmond. The kid having it was hella weird but the house was chill. I was having an awesome time until a fight broke out between two people I'm chill with. grrr but then after that deal of running around after leaving the house in redmond, some of us go kick it at slim's house. Didn't come home until about 5:30 the next morning.

So, I thought I would have to have told my step mom where I was going and when I was coming home, but I didn't neither nights, and came home at an incredibly late time. She seemed pretty nice about it too. No questions, no guilt, no worries I guess. Wow I like my dad being gone sometimes because I'm getting a whole lot of freedom. When I'm 18 in less than a month I hope it will get better though.

Today, I woke up late since I went to bed late. I cleaned up, and then went out for the rest of the day to go kick it at clyde beach for a little bit and then dollar's house for a little as well. Once again, it's another weekend of not even touching my backpack.

Back to that game on friday. My coach said that this last water polo game we had on friday was one of the most entertaining games he's seen. The game went into double-overtime and they ended up winning. I know, tragic. We should have definitely won this game though. I know this because we didn't follow through with some of the shots we made when we should have. I wanted it so badly though that night. The coach was like, "Watch for mikaela, she seems to be the one with the most energy tonight." Maybe the smoke session unlfluenced me alittle, but I was really in the zone to the point where I'm was going to give my complete all in order to win this game. It's a shame we didn't win, but I know we will soon be a very strong team and will be able to beat them at state no doubt.

Alright well I guess I should maybe see what homework I should cram to do in between classes tomorrow since I forgot completely about what I have to do for h dub with this crazy weekend ... alright have a great night to start the week off good!

~BB

Alright ... So when I think the whole situation with my sister and the threatening and Tyler thing was over ... Apparently she still has grudges over me as some of you have read her profile. It really hurt me to see that because through this whole thing, I've been trying to stick up for my little sister and put people straight if they believed a rumor about her. She doesn't recognize this though and basically just thinks that I'm saying shit about her. I just don't understand how she can get so hateful towards me and I'm just trying to back her up. It's sad too because I've lived with her all her life and it's about to end in less than 5 months. I guess there's nothing I can really do about it at this point. All I know is that I'll always have a heart for my sister. She's just immature and naive at this age to the point where she doesn't give a shit about someone of her own blood. What she said in her profile hit me hard so I'm just trying to avoid her right now. I can't talk to her when she's trying to hurt me and use me. Not anymore though... Maybe I'm just trippin about something little, but it's hard when I see her every day.

Anyway, 4/20... Good times had my fun... I actually missed my practice to go chief! And I lied to my parents saying that I was going to practice... risky deal but it seemed to have worked. I felt not at ease though when my coach asked me if I had that day didn't have anything to do with not being at practice and I said "no" ... I hate the person I'm turning into. I don't know it's just not me to lie and cheat to be able to do what I wanted. I mean I could WHATEVER I wanted to in MN without the guilt but it's really taken it's turn here.

AHH and I feel like there is this gap in my life too. I was talking to one of my good friends and she has been going through rough times lately and was like "If my boyfriend wasn't there for me through everything, I don't think I would have made it." I don't have that, haven't ever really had that, but I know I have good friends to talk to and help get me through rough times... I guess it's just hard when I can't relate to someone. All I know is that, I'm waiting for that person to step up to the plate and take a swing and shoot for home... lol I'm such a nerd... I didn't know how to put it any other way, but you get my jiff.

Today was a joke basically for going to school. As most of you already know, but for some of you who don't, this week is messed up since 9th and 10th graders take test in the AM and I get to sleep in! So today I went to school at 10:40, went to photo and then signed out for the rest of the day to take my dad to the airport, which he will be staying in NY with my brother for the weekend to Monday. It's nice not having two heads controlling the house, but I still have my step mom on my back. She's easier as a parent though because she's naive and doesn't check up on me as much. So I guess I have it easier. After school, I made cookies for my polo team before the game against Newport. We lost but should have won. I think a lot of us were more focused on the players we were guarding because their team is really aggressive and can be sneaky and pull bitch moves at some points so I guess it was just hard to focus on the game itself. Plus the fact that the sun was glaring at the pool and it came to be hard to see. But we have a game tomorrow though at 7:45... pretty late, but I guess this game will determine if we go to state or not. If we lose, we will HAVE to spend a weekend trying to qualify for state by competing with other teams. So tomorrow will be a big day, but we still have a chance if we lose.

Well, I guess I better go pick my darling sister up from her practice... What a joy...

Feeling: alone... lonely... empty... overworked... mixed in with soreness ha ha

Have a good night everyone

~BB

Oh wow... Like I said on Thursday... Spring break just FLEW by. It's felt like I've been through a weekend but I've actually been through a week and 2 weekends. Shit ... It's been fun though. It's just hard because I sort of have this crush and it's always hard for me to get through it. This one just seems especially hard when it's just hard talking to the person because I know I like them and I think they know that too. I just don't know if they feel the same way so I'm not really doing anything about how I feel at this point. Basically, I just wait and see if they're noticeably attracted to me so I can decide at that point whether I like them or not. But just starting from the bottom and not knowing where it's going to go is just not my specialty I guess and it fuckin suckkks. But I guess if he isn't attracted to me or just doesn't like me then I just don't see the point in trying. I need SOMETHING to work with here!

Shit... I can't think about it too much or I'll just get sad knowing that I can't even approach him. ha ha it feels like I haven't done anything that I said I was going to do over break. Save a seat at WSU and get residency, get the rest of my community service, getting a job, get laid... yep none of that. It was like I woke up, ate, went out, came home late and ate, and slept and then did it all the next day. No time in this fucking world anymore... oh man though I'm just waiting for this summer where I don't have to worry about SHIT! Senior year has been coming on so hard though. I'm just trying to let it pass by without worry but I just end up having angry parents on my back and grades slipping so it makes me feel worse. I just need to start getting my shit together and do what I am supposed to do, which isn't exactly what I want to do. Wooow I've never really was like this with school until my senior year because back then I didn't do half the stuff I do now but I just felt TOO guilty if I didn't get what I was supposed to get done. These days I still feel guilty but I kick it with people a lot more so I just set my guilt aside until it starts building up like it is right now, that's when parents start nagging and grades start slipping. Damn I hope this is making sense. This is just where I am at right now. Last quarter of senior year... man this will be the truth coming up of what I HAVE to do.

Man I'm tired and out of words to say so see you all tomorrow when we're back in reality.... SCHOOL!

~BB

ohhh man this whole spring break has been going by sooo fast! It's Thursday already and it feels like I just got on break. But it's been a lot of fun just kickin it every day and night and getting tipsy... oh man what a rush though. Last night was some filthy shit.. People planning how to ditch people going to this party because there was SO many people there already. I got there and had my share of fun then the cops showed up. Most of the people bounced even though nothing really happened, like the cop just said to keep it down and kick people out so it was all chill. I didn't get home until HELLA late ... My dad wanted me home at like 12 but I didn't actually show up until 3 ... It was chill though because I didn't get in any trouble... I don't think he knew what time I came back.. Which is definitely good. I guess I'm just slick like that in sneaking in and out of my house... Not to mention that it's too easy to pass up.

My break has been even better not having my step mom around. It's been hard to talk or just spend time with her. After she blew up at me and said some pretty heavy words, she may have not meant to be so mean but it really got to me. I just don't like being disrespected so badly from someone of the family. So I've just been neutral with her and let my dad do more of the parenting. I mean it is my fault for lying to them, but the only reason I did was because they don't agree with the things I do and lying seems to be the only way out. I know if I have to lie to someone we're not on the best relationship but at this point with my step mom, I really don't care that much unless she started healing the scars she made. I've been trying to be more honest though, but I still have to lie to them. Well I just say that I'm not about to be locked up in this house for telling my parents the truth about my life so I'm just living it day by day, being extra careful with them. I gotta have fun though right? shit live life to the fullest....

Alright well I guess I should be getting ready to leave this house because I don't like staying in it too long when I could be having more fun. Basically I just want to be able to have this house as a shelter for sleeping and eating ... The basics... I don't ask for muuch...

Have a great Thursday everyone... I know I'm gonna because it's SPRING BREAK!

~BB

This Wednesday, hump day, hasn't been too bad for me. First of all, my parents and I, EVEN MY SISTER, are getting along pretty well which is very hard for me to come by these days, especially all at once so this has been a thrill for me to get through every day, well at least today.

School was good. Not really any homework and it was an early release today so that was chill for sure. Except for Walters because she has this thing with giving homework EVERY fuckin day... whatever though I BS that shit all the time. Oh! I almost forgot that I got out of going to Walter's today because I was saved by a WSU rep that was at our school and wanted to talk to potentially future WSU students! Yep, I'm going there ... I just don't see myself going to western and plus I want to be in a sorority so it works out. Plus WSU has a kick ass pool and that's always good considering that the pool has been my second home these days.

I had a Water polo game today and we definitely kicked some major ass. And I even scored our team 3 points which was definitely invigorating and made meh feel all good ha ha.

After all that good stuff, I had some time to go shopping and got alot of new stuff. Now, I know it might not be the same for you boys but getting new clothes for us girls made me feel even better today. So I guess God decided to give me a break today from all the stress and drama. We'll see how it goes tomorrow...

DAMN... My dad is kickin off my internet access... well it's ok my night is still good! Hope you all had a GREAT HUMP DAY!

OH! Almost forgot... mdub23balla: lol gimme a shout out in thurr
miki birdy 04: ha ha aiight fasho .... So there ya go Marcus! You're hella chill.. we should kick it sometime ;) (if that's alright with my sister ha ha! jk)

~BB

So I've definitely had a better weekend for once! I mean after my parents finding out that I lied to them and kept me locked up in this house for 2 weeks (well... not saying that I snuck out a little), I really was sincere about things getting better for me and them in the future. My dad was like, "so do you think she's still grounded or semi-grounded?" and my step mom was like "well I think she knows now that she learned her lesson and can make the right decisions so I would let her decide on that." What my step mom said made me feel like I actually did have some control over my life and that definitely made my weekend complete. So did I learn my lesson? Well, considering that I snuck out on Saturday night and I lied to my parents that I went shopping when really I drank it up and kicked it, I really do think I've learned my lesson... BE MORE CAREFUL! I just really don't want to have it bad with my parents right now so I'm just trying to be good for them so telling them the truth wouldn't be the best I don't think.

AHHH! I MOST DEFINITELY want to give a shout out to my girl, CHRISTINE, back in MN though because it's her 18 BIRTHDAY! woot woot... that means only a month and 20 days fo meh. Damn I cannot wait... But I love you stine you're mah girl.

As for college, I'm pretty much set to WSU... I'm pretty excited about that fasho... I'll be seeing a lot of familiar faces there so that'll be tight for sure.

Anywho... I NEED to get a fuckin JOB and make some money because I hate depending on these parents of mine and I just want to have it. It's a good feeling and I miss it... So if any of you fellow readers have anything in mind for jobs contact me.

Well I better get going on my homework... Even though I'm not going to get that far since its like what... 11pm already! Daylight savings time changes suck...

~BB

Alright so apparently I'm STILL grounded because I haven't talked to my step mom about lying. grr I've wanted to talk to her but I'm always to worn out after practice and she doesn't usually get home until 8 or 9 anyway and when she is home she's on the phone or falls asleep early. SO really I just haven't had the opportunity to talk to her. Plus I guess I'm kind of intimidated to talk to her but I know she doesn't want to talk to me or have anything to do with me until I do talk to her about me lying. Whatever though, I don't think my parents would let me out anyway because I have so many restrictions I have to abide by. I feel like my life is so controlled right now that I can't even make ANY of my own decisions these days. I've been thinking alot about just leaving and seeing what happens. I know I'm under 18, so if the police were involved I would be busted but once I turn 18 in may, how can they stop me then? If I just leave, it's not like they can be like "you're grounded" because there is no legal issues in the way anymore and they really don't have custody of me. The only thing I would feel bad about is that they are my home and that's the house I come back to that they provide me with. What I really want to do is rent an apartment for the summer with other people and not have to worry, but I wouldn't know who to ask and the money issue always seems to be a problem. That's another thing I don't like, depending on my parents for money and driving their car. I hate having that because I know they can always use that against me. I've decided to try and get a job as soon as I possible can so I can start gaining some currency in my name, not theirs.

AHH... it seems like I want to do soo much this summer but in order to do it I have to make some money. Like I want to go to Minnesota for at least two weeks, I really want to visit my good friend, sonia, in cali because I haven't seen that girl in so long and I've known her the longest out of all of my friendships (3rd grade baby!), I want to go to Oregon alot and visit my family there, oh and New York because my brother really wants me to see him. Dang, I really need to start saving money...

I just don't want to be here for the summer. I've been here long enough to where my parents can't stand me and think they can lock me up from everyone. I'm so sick of it and they need to know that I am going to have the same situations to deal with in college. They can't prevent it now when I'm about to be 18 and how of this hell hole. I just wish they could let me go and trust me on making the right decisions.

Whatever... right now I'm just trying to get by and do as they say. All I can say is that I won't be able to put up with it for much longer...

~BB

mmmk ... I don't even know where to begin. Things just seem to get worse and worse for me even though I keep thinking I'm at my worst point. Whatever though... There's gotta be an end to this madness. So what am I talking about ... well let's just say this weekend was a killer to get through. I was actually looking forward in going to school. So as this is my second weekend of being grounded, I stayed home like a good girl and end up STILL getting in trouble. I really don't want to go through it because I don't want to have to mention names and whatnot but I can explain it personally if you ask. Let's just say that I lied to my parents and they found out. I got this whooole shpeeel on how lying is the worst someone can do and it's just better to tell the truth. And it just seemed like this whole day I was getting these signs on telling the truth. Like in speech today, a girl gave a speech on how people that lie is her biggest pet peeve. Another is how I've listened to that Hillary Duff song "come clean" like at least 3 times today. If you've listened to the words, it fits with this situation. SOOO I confessed to my dad that I lied and so now I have to go to the big "H" factor and say that I lied... I hate doing that SO much it's the worst thing for me to confess.

Not to mention how this weekend COMPLETELY SUCKED for water polo. We played five games this weekend and lost every one of them. Part of the reason is that we had about half of our good players present, another is that we're learning new stuff with our new coach and haven't completely applied it to the game, and another would be that we are just inexperienced as a whole and its only the beginning of the season. I know we'll get better though, maybe not as quick as Friday when we'll have to play against Mercer Island. Yep definitely not going to win ::knock on wood:: but I know we learn something every game we play so it will be a good experience.

Also today I went on a field trip to a waste water plant over in Renton and that was definitely a terrible and raunchy experience to go through. Seriously, I think it's WRONG to take students to a field trip to a waste water treatment place where we get to see where our "organic materials" end up and go through. Seriously though, everyone there HAD to plug their nose or else they would have to deal with the most sickening and disgusting smell that filled the area, of course much worst in some areas.

Other than that, I haven't been up to too much since I'm still grounded. I guess my dad knows that I've snuck out before... hmm maybe because I told him I wanted to stay home from school the next morning. He said he was almost certain that I was hungover, but REALLY I haven't been actually drunk since mid-winter break. So I guess this means he thought I was fibbing to him that day of when I was actually sick. That's sad... I really need to build up this trust with my parents. But really though, they need to understand that I'm GOING to drink in college and maybe go out on school nights sometimes. If that's the way I choose to live, ESPECIALLY at this age of nearly being an ADULT, then why can't he accept that? I think he just wants to see me do the right thing until he let's me go loose and out on my own. So somehow, I need to figure out how I'm going to prove this to him that I can make the right decisions. From now on, I just need to be more straight up and honest with him. That's the only way he will let me do anything in this world, even if he has to say no some or most of the time. Enough with this though for now.

I'm still in my swim suit from practice so I better get a bizzouncin ... Tuesdays suck.

~BB

AHHH where to begin...

ok I guess I'll start with friday. Since I'm grounded, I decided not to sneak out that night because of several reasons: getting yelled at by parents, parents showing up wondering and worrying about their kid, people getting fucked over from the po... the one reason I want to explain is just being yelled at by my step mom. She said basically everything you could say to hurt someone and after hearing what she said, I completely look at her differently. If my dad wasn't there to support me, I probably would have tried to move out, just live somewhere else because I can't take what she said to me. Now, of course, she's trying to be all nice and forget everything she told me but I can't let her get away with it and forget it myself too. I guess you're all probably wondering what exactly she said to me, and if you're really interested I'll go more into it if you ask.

yeahhhh... That whole having people over on Thursday before my step mom got home didn't work out well at all. I decided to not skip practice that day so I told my sister that she had to be careful and watch everyone there. An hour and a half later, I come home and realize things have gotten out of hand, so after I shower and do my best to clean up. My sister has to go to practice so I didn't have time to clean everything. OF course during that time, my step mom comes home and notices everything and ultimately we end up being grounded for TWO WEEKS! I've never really been grounded since I've been here. This really is going to suck just finding rides home from school, going out on the weekends, just being able to go out whenever I wanted... two weeks. Definitely wasn't worth it for me. At least I still get to go to water polo though.

On Friday, I had a water polo game, the first of this season, and we definitely creamed Roosevelt. Other than that, I was a good kid and followed the rules of being GROUNDED, which killed to follow. Well, does Sunday count as part of the weekend? I kinda snuck out that night woops. This time I made sure I didn't or couldn't get caught though, thank the LORD I didn't. It's just hard though, how am I supposed to learn my lesson when they lock me up? How can I prove to them that I learned my lesson? Whatever, who knows what their methods are. All I know is that I'm about to leave all this shit within the next 6 months so no worries. I'm not going to let them take away my life and enjoyment. I just know that I have to make the most of my life and being locked up won't stop meh. CARPE DIEM for those of you who know what I'm talkin bout!

This week starting off has been alright. It's REALLY sucked for me not being able drive to school, or use the car period, ESPECIALLY since my dad has been out-of-town so obviously he's not using it. GRRR, It's been frustrating for me lately. Today, however, has been different. Not only is Wednesday an early release from school, but I happened to come across my CAR KEYS that my step mom took from me! This is definitely a sign for me to go out at least for a little bit so I can enjoy the steering wheel while sitting in the leather seat taking in the AC, as I push the gas peddle. Speaking of, I better go get to it before my step mom gets home. AHH I hope I don't dig myself a DEEPER whole .. that would completely SUCK badly.

I forgot to mention that I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my father long distance last night. It was probably on the top of the list of conversations that I have had with him, or anyone for that matter. He just seemed so understanding and it wasn't like I was trying to get myself out of grounding at all, but I think I might have talked him into letting me go out this Saturday if my step mom agrees. I have to act my best though, so I better get my cruise on if I don't want to get caught! Oh wow, I'm so bad it's ridiculous. CARPE DIEM though, seriously. It's the only thing I know and probably the most I've gotten from going to school.

Seize the day everyone! It's hump day remember...

~BB

Oh wow ... I haven't even started my homework and it's already 10:45! It's ok though, I made good use of my time having my fun for hump day (Wednesday is the day where you get over half, or the hump, of the week ;) or St. Patrick's Day, as other people would call this fine day. Actually the weather wasn't too pretty today but that has no effects really on me so whatev. AHH I skipped practice AGAIN today! I don't feel as guilty though because my dad was chill about it even though I wasn't home to show him that I had "allergies," well I really did, but I probably could have swam with me being like this. It was well worth it though.

After the whole fun day, I come home around 8:30, I know WAY TOO SOON but then again it's a school night, and I talk to these really nice ladies that give me a lot of insight about UW and WSU and the sororities there. I thought it was very beneficial to hear what they had to say about their experiences at the college they went to so I was able to get a clearer idea of what my top two colleges are all about. I still have no clue where I want to go though.

After that meeting, I talked to a great friend who also gave me, as well as I did for him, good insight about dancing. It was interesting to hear what someone of the opposite sex thinks about dancing, specifically getting hard when a girl is dancing with you. Ha ha I know that some girls don't like the fact that a guy is really getting off on you, but maybe that's because they aren't attracted to them that way, or they just are foreign to a guy's body parts. Some girls like it though because it gives you a sign that you're dancing good enough to turn a guy on and it's definitely reassuring that they guy is attracted to you, maybe as much as you are to them. But beside that point, I think just dancing should be brought out more. It's definitely an easy way to get close with someone. Otherwise, if everything is just still then it's all focused more on every movement and it's more intimidating to make the first move. Plus, dancing is like another way of communication, other than just talking or writing.

Alright, enough talk - time for some cram homework time. (even though I'm not going to half of my classes tomorrow because I get to take my dad to the airport, which he'll be LONG GONE for 5 whole days, so hopefully I can get a little bit of party at mi casa before the step mom arrives later in the night.

Have a GREAT Wednesday HUMP day and St. Patrick's day everyone!

~BB

This weekend was ok ... I always end up driving ALOT so I think I'm going to let up on that and hitch those rides. I had my fun I guess, but I felt bad when I completely forgot that I had pictures with my polo team and missed it. I went to practice today though and no one said anything ... Thank god.

So, it's kind of weird right now with my parents being the way they are. I thought that I was about to get the big punishment and no trust and their complete disappointment from what they caught me from last week, but things haven't really been like that at all. Last weekend, I had the car all night and I was out late, and my dad wasn't pissed like usual. Hmmm.. I don't know if its that I'm about to be 18 in a couple months or they're just too lazy to enforce rules, but I'm not fretting about it obviously. My parents have actually been more on my sister's ass which safe guards me from getting in trouble. It's definitely going to be nice that my dad will be out of town starting thurs-tues. Even though my step-mom will be home, well not really, I can still get by with a lot more.

Life hasn't been treating me so good in some departments though. For example, my ALLERGIES just kicked in, and they did hard. Every spring, I get the WORST case of allergies. Thank god it clears up by the end of spring though. It's just a bitch to get through.

The remainder of my life right now has just been going by I guess. Nothing is really new, but I want to be able to do different things, go different places, see different things, meet new people, embrace new experiences ... you get my flow. I guess I'm just really ready to go to college, or maybe there is something missing in my life right now. Whatever it is though, I'm going to search for it. It just gets a little difficult when I have school and sports in the way ... oh and my laziness.

Speaking of college, I guess I can still get accepted by UW. All I have to do is write a quick letter explaining my situation. Jeez ... this college stuff is really getting on me though. After going through all this work, I sure as hell hope I get accepted to everywhere I applied for, otherwise it can be devastating. I'm not going to worry about though. As Calv puts it: "Hakuna mafuckintada" -no fuckin worries.

hmmm.... That's all for now. It feels like I still have more to say, but I guess there will be other times for that, plus I'm getting tired. Have a good Monday night. Oh and just a side note, I know Mondays might be repetitive or ordinary, so don't make it that way! Go out and do something for you, not the teachers or the parents ... hakuna mafuckintada ;)

~BB

JEEZ I don't have that many good things to say in my blog .. I'm sorry for that but it just seems like the bad stuff hits me a lot harder. Like my dad caught ME AGAIN! wtf I know sad story too. I really don't want to go through it but yeah my sister invites a guy here to sneak in... So he comes downstairs and my parents are still up and my sister left me with him. So I thought it would be safe for me to bring him in my room and then like 10 minutes later my dad walks in on me! He's like "you're busted" not only did he get me AGAIN within less than a week, but he was so frustrated that he told my step mom and now she knows too! My dad doesn't want me to know that though because he said it would be between me and him .. but I overheard him talking to her about it so I'm fucked basically. Why am I so retarded sometimes? My life is just wacko right now.

Also the fact that I basically only have guy friends that I hang out with now, that makes my life a little more wacko. Well not really, I don't mind it, I just don't know what it is between me and girls but I just can't get along with them as well as with guys I guess. And that's fine with me as long as I know that I have friends to count on and be there. Thanks to all you bois in my life... you're the homies straight up. And the few girls that are out there for me ... most in MN but much love for you all to!

Another messed up occurrence in my day was when I got the message for UW saying that they didn't receive my test scores! What a crock I knew that I sent them. But the fact of the matter is that, they cannot accept my admission into UW for this term. I really wanted to see if I got accepted! I guess this was an easy way for them to deny my application. AHH! I'm about to call them and tell them that they're wrong no doubt. grr .. but if that's all true, I guess it narrows down my decisions on what college to go to and makes it easier for me to decide. I think I'm leaning on the WSU side though... my mind was meant to be there ha ha.

Well, today seemed to go by pretty fast! Maybe because I didn't go to school ... It was fun today with my other fellow skipping friends. I should get to my homework ... probably catch up but have a great Thursday night and tomorrow is FRIDAY so no worries fasho.

~BB

OH what a weekend ...

Let's just say that I did have my fun but I wasn't careful enough. Sunday I snuck out and that wasn't a problem, even taking the car, but the fact that I took a little bit of my dad's medicine, some alc, everything go twisted over. Obviously, he was wondering where it was the next day, as I stayed home from school because of my "allergies," so I knew I had to tell him. I know that I'm not in that much trouble because he wont tell my step mom, which is an absolute relief, but he's seeming to be pretty stern about the whole situation. It will be nice though because this weekend my step mom is going out of town and the following weekend my dad is leaving for 5 days! That means I have really nothing to worry about besides my step mom being home. It will be a good break, but I know my dad will be sketchy on leaving me for that long since he still has a little anger left in him. At first he didn't want me with the car at all, but since that's about 90% of how I get to places, he knew that would weigh down his day so I hope he's letting up on that. As for next weekend, I might be on the lock down ... but that's impossible for me to do anyway, so I'll be sneakin out. JEEZ it seems like the more I get in trouble, the more rebellious I am.

It's kind of sad though, my dad thinks I'm turning into an alcoholic. This scares him because he knows that I'm only in highschool and there is going to be a lot more of it in college, which is why he's rethinking of me going. I'm not going to let him not let me go though... I've already gotten accepted into two colleges, and it was a lot of work getting there.

Alright, time to go to practice! YAY I get to drive.

Have a great Monday.

~BB

Ok so it's really late, but don't worry I took a nap ... the problem is I'm not getting tired at all so I thought I would try getting tired by writing one of these blogs. Today, nothing too exciting happened. It's tuesday though what do you expect? I got to skip 7th period today because my dad needed the car so I got home early and took a nap as soon as I could before going to practice. And yep, things are same old same old with that. I'm still incredibly sore, I'm still out-of-shape, and I'm still late to practice because I resent to go at the moment. I think that will change though, once I get faster of course.

Since I've started to swim again, I noticed that I still got those bad habits of all my swim stuff sprawled out on the floor, and my parents HATE that, especially during the middle of the week for my step-mom. She is always stressed out and claims to have a "hard" day, I know she probably has though with her class of 30 1st graders, but I do too and it's probably more than she knows. Well, I guess my laziness in not pickin up after myself right after swimming kind of through her off, so I had to deal with her lecture for a good portion of my day. I hate it though when they talk to you as if you're a child. It's like I'm leaving to be on my own, away from you in a few short months, so either try to make these last experiences of living with you memorable and happy or leave meh be. I've heard though that parents take a dramatic change either when you turn 18 or when you move out, and I will be getting to both of those thankfully soon.

Aright, this is getting rediculously late on a tuesday night, so I'm gonna hit the sheets and hope for the best in the morning. sweet dreams

song quote: "Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long."

~BB

Oh wow ... The last two days I've been in complete pain. I've forgotten how intense and rough water polo is. My first two practices have worn me out and made me dead beat and exhausted. It's mostly because I'm out-of-shape, but I have been pushing myself probably more than I should be. Thank god I have a whole weekend to recover! It also helps overcoming my pain because the coach is kinda cute ... but I shall not think that way whoops. I can't help it, he's a 21-year-old UW student.

My parents got all stern on me this weekend because of all the stuff I got in trouble with last weekend. I hope I'm only grounded for one weekend because I hate staying at home for a long period of time. I just feel trapped and I can't be with my friends. Maybe tonight I can escape that, or in other words, sneak out. I know I'm bad about that but if you lived in this house you would feel the temptation too because it's just too easy to leave.

In other news, I got accepted to WSU. It's crazy how I just sent my application in like less than two weeks ago and I already got accepted. I'm still waiting on my UW application. I don't know if I'm going to be accepted there. They would have to be pretty impressed with my essay if I did get accepted. I guess it comes down to if I want to be farther away from home in a smaller but crazy town OR if I want to kick it closer to home in a bigger city and school. hmmm tough decision. I guess I'll have to see if I get accepted first.

Alright getting tired of typing, but have a kick ass Saturday!

~BB

Thursday... nothing really new this Thursday. Except today I finally get to go to water polo practice tonight for my first time this year. I know I'm out of shape, but I miss being a part of a team so much because we all get close and it's just nice being able to play my last highschool sport.

Wow, that's sad putting it that way. I guess it's getting down to everything being my last for highschool. Soon I'll be saying "my last spring break in highschool," then "my last quarter in highschool," then FINALLY "MY LAST DAY OF HIGHSCHOOL!" ... Scary thought but I think I'm ready for it for sure.

Even though I've been going to Bellevue for only a little over a year, I've gotten sick of it ... I need to move on to bigger and better things. Not pointing at the people in my life, but just in general. There's so much drama at this damn school. There's just some people that I've been around and I just don't understand sometimes. Things in MN just seemed so much more simple, I guess I haven't realized how much I really miss that place until I'm completely deprived from it. Honestly, here in WA, I don't really know where I fit in. I want to be friends with everyone, but Bellevue doesn't allow me to do that. Either it's this group, that group, or no one. Sorry if I'm always going back to MN, but where I used to live ("IN HAPKINS" as Jill would say) I felt like I could completely trust my friends and it seemed that we would always be together, but here in Bellevue it's different. Everyone watches what they say because they feel like they can't say too much, probably because it's hard to trust people here. That's a major thing I look for in a relationship, is if you're able to be open and honest with them, and by doing so, they know that you trust them and you have a special bond with them. Damn, I miss that so much.

Alright, I better get off to the H dub... exciting I know. But if any of you readers want to talk about anything, I will listen. It's just a phone call away.

IT'S FRIDAY TOMORROW! Too bad I think I'm grounded this weekend. But there's always alternatives ...

~BB

K, so what have I done today:

I went to school after not being there for 9 days. That just sucked having to wake up early and go to class. No fun ... I can't wait until this whole school thing is over. I know a lot of all you other seniors feel the same way but out of all my years of school, this year has been my worst case of senioritis. I came home after school, grubbed up on some food, watched a movie , Blue Crush, I was going to go to the first water polo practice and just check it out but I was too lazy, and my dad told me not to because he was going to pay for it this year. So I didn't go and instead I've been talking online most of the time. This computer consumes so much of my time, but then again I didn't feel the need to get up and do something else.

My day wasn't too exciting though, except that I got a call from a friend that I met while she went to bellevue for like a month. I know its short but I got to know her and I might see her this weekend, which is nice. I like knowing random people and then having them surprise me by calling. It's definitely nice.

Well I think I've stared at this computer long enough to go do a little homework and then head off to bed, even though my sister is sleeping in it. Yeah that's just because my parents HATE it when we sleep during the day so she snuck in my room which is away from everyone. nice huh

I know it's monday but take it easy! Only 34 more days until the next break! WOOT WOOT!

~BB

wow these past few days have sucked. I don't even know where to begin its too hard to explain. But I got to see my all time favorite people today and it made my day .. even though anything could because my day has been loaded with bad stuff. I hope I get to see my Mandy and Randy more often cuz they really do mean alot to me, considering I lived with them 12 years of my life.

But there has definitely been some drama going on in my life at this moment. Things between one of my good friends and I aren't the same anymore .. or maybe it was never what I thought it was I don't know. I'm confused where I stand there. it hurts when you find out some of the words brought up from people, when you never expected them to say it. And then I got shit from my sister from not picking her up when she needed me to, don't worry I heard it all from my parents in their little lecture. And then I have other drama going on, involving me of course. There's no need for me to go in that. And then my parents find out all the wrongs I've done this weekend, which I'm pretty good about. But of course they find out to add on to my all time worst weekend! It's been too much for one person to go through all within about 3 days. I hope things can only get better from here, even though every time I say that something else happens to make it worse ::Knock on wood::

Despite all of the drama and conflicts in my life right now, I'm blessed to still have my family from minnesota, and to especially see them this weekend helped make it better for me. Always there when I need them. Too bad I have SCHOOL tomorrow .. ugh I still haven't even done ANY homework at all ... and its almost monday in less than an hour. wowzers I just want to sleep thats all, leave the world, go somewhere where none of all this shit I'm going through exists ... ahh I'll survive.

I hope you all don't have a bad day from reading this ... ha ha good night
~BB